Dawn of a New Day

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.

- the movie Forrest Gump

 

Tomorrow morning I begin anew. Here are the classic before shots. It's me today but not me tomorrow. 

P.S. I'm either crazy or brave to post these pictures for the world to see. But then again, I let people see me every day so....

Ch, ch, ch, changes...

So this morning I've been thinking....I got on the scale this morning and realized that after today I will NEVER see the number that I saw on there today! This is the last weekend before my surgery. I am more than excited!

On Wednesday I went to take my stress test and to the pre surgery class. I got my "Bariatric Bible" which tells me what I can eat for the next 7 weeks and beyond. I'm not gonna lie...the first 3 weeks sound like hell but I know it will be so worth it!

And I chose to have the surgery right before Thanksgiving and Christmas. And I'm really o.k. with it. I had to go grocery shopping yesterday. (I do have a family that needs to eat regular food while I am working on liquids and soft foods.) It was interesting to me how much money I didn't have to spend on groceries. Walking down the aisles and knowing that I cannot put certain things in my mouth kept me from even putting them in my cart. Instead of feeling disappointed at the things I cannot eat I am excited about the weight I will lose and getting back to a healthy weight.

Today I've been a little emotional thinking about how much life will change for me in 4 days. I don't find myself wishing for a cookie or feeling like I'll miss out on food which I obviously will for a while. I find myself thinking about who I will become after this procedure. I find myself thinking, "When people see pictures of me at my daughter's college graduation they will wonder who is standing with my husband and daughter." , "When I am about 5 months out I might just be wearing a size 12 skirt." and things of that nature. I'm really only thinking about the positive things that will come out of this.

I have thought about the negatives, the lose skin, the nausea etc. But overall I'm happy that I can get past those things. I did find out that 2 years post op I will be able to have a tummy tuck. That will be another wonderful day in my life. My stomach has not looked the same since November 1984 when I was about 4 months pregnant with my first child. The stretch marks came even then. My post pregnancy body was such a disappointment to me. I never had the opportunity for my stomach to shrink because the skin was so stretched after my first baby that it just hung there. Not puffy or swollen but hanging. Not a pretty sight. Lucky (and I do say lucky) for me I have a hernia. SO...that means when it's time for that to be fixed I can score a tummy tuck.

There are some whose reactions to my decision have been less than supportive. They've never been me and they've never been this over weight and they've never tried to lose weight unsuccessfully for almost 27 years. Those that are supportive have been great! I'm really excited to recreate this body. The thin girl in me is ready to emerge again!

Day 1 Of Liquid

I'm not gonna lie...this sucks!


I've had 2 protein shakes today, lots of water and I want to eat my fist off! It's going to be worth it in the end....right?!

I know it will be worth it in the end but you have no idea how much I just want to go in my kitchen and eat something...anything. It can be healthy, I'd eat a banana, an apple or some cottage cheese but I don't think I'm allowed to do that at all. Just the shakes and one lean cuisine or Healthy Choice type dinner.

Now to go make spaghetti for the rest of the family. Can I lick the spoon of the pasta sauce?

A date which will live in...what's the opposite of Infamy?

Apparently the opposite of infamy are dignity, goodness, innocence, morality, righteousness and virtue. I think the most appropriate word for this situation might be goodness.

In any case...I finally have my surgery scheduled for Wednesday, November 16. I will begin my liquid/low cal diet on Monday. I'm supposed to have 2 protein shakes a day and one dinner which should be a Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice type frozen dinner. I also have to go in for a stress test on the 9th. I figure I should do pretty well on that actually. If they make me run they might have to get the paddles out though!

The reality of what I will be going through probably hasn't really sunk into my brain yet. I do know that I'm very prepared for the reality of eating a half a boiled egg and feeling satisfied. I mean, for how many years have I been eating the way I have been. I am praying with all my might that I'll do alright for the 10 days on this low, low cal diet before the surgery.

Now, let me just say a little something about the picture I chose for this blog entry. It says Happiness Just Ahead. I am generally a very happy person. The thing is that I know that I will be happier at a healthier more normal weight. I know I'll be happier not having to shop at plus size stores. I know I'll be happier in some ways that I am not happy in right now. It's not that I expect the surgery to "fix" everything in life. Like I said, I'm pretty darn happy right now! I have a husband who loves me whether I have the surgery or not, I have awesome kids and grandkids, I have a great place to live, a nice car to drive, I have a great spiritual life, I have wonderful friends, a fulfilling job in my church. So it's not that I'm looking for the surgery to "make me happy". I'm just looking for the surgery to help enhance my already happy life. Plus I'm looking forward to buying a pair of jeans that are meant for fit one person and not a pair that two people can wear.

So....some happiness is just ahead. Before the happy part will come some uncomfortable stuff but I'm ok with that.

AND THE LETTER CAME.....

....in the mail today! I got approved for surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this an answer????

Could this be possible?

I called the insurance coordinator at my physician's office and she said that she had not heard from my insurance company on the approval yet. She said all paperwork was submitted on Oct 13. It's been 12 days so I thought...what the heck I'll call and find out.

So I just got off the phone with them and the representative said that a letter had been sent out today. One to me. One to the physician. She couldn't find a copy because it might not have been scanned in yet. I asked her if she could find the letter itself. After about 2 minutes she came back to the phone and said that she couldn't find the letter but that according to the documentation, I MEET THE CRITERA!

After I hung up the phone with her I sat there for a second after the butterflies subsided and thought..."Wonder why they don't just say...so you're obese enough to have the surgery!"??? I guess, "You meet the criteria" is a MUCH nicer way to say the same thing!

I don't care how they say it!!!! I'm pretty excited and in a couple of days I will have "official" word and then we can set the date for surgery. In all reality it looks like it will probably be the week of the 7th or possibly the 14th. Just in time for Thanksgiving! That's one way to make sure you don't over eat! 

I can't believe that I will finally be able to break free from this body. OH trust me...I know the new body I'll have won't be beautiful. It will be quite ugly but it WILL be healthier! And honestly, I can't lie...I cannot wait to buy normal sized clothes!

I'm Waaaaiiiittttttiiiiinnnnnngggggggg....

If this takes any longer I might just be dead and not have to worry about the surgery at all! Why is it that the people who are involved this are on vacation? The insurance coordinator person at my doctor's office was out of town last week. I decided that I'd give her a few days to catch up calling back the thousands of overweight people who are waiting to hear about their approvals for surgery.

So....yesterday I finally call the office only to find out that she is OUT on Thursday and Friday THIS week too! Are you for real? Blech. I'll wait till Monday. It's Columbus Day so I hope she's not off that day too!