Time to Pay the Piper

Tomorrow I will weigh in after my first week back on Weight Watchers. I think I've done pretty well. I've been good about tracking online and even figured out that I can get to the tracker on my phone so that's helped when I've been out.

I need to drink more water and figure out how to get in more fruit and veggies. Sometimes the thought of another salad gags me.

So...stay tuned to see how it goes tomorrow.

Here We Go Again....

For a long time I've theorized that there is something inside an overweight person's mind that makes them see themselves as being less heavy than they really are. I think it's something similar to the way a person with anorexia views themselves only in reverse.

In my humble opinion it's more socially acceptable to be anorexic than obese. Let's be honest, most people would rather look at at woman who is thin and perceives herself as being overweight than vice-versa.

To illustrate my point just look at the photos below and decide which one you'd rather see in action.



My point exactly!!!!

Anyway....I know I'm overweight/obese. I know I need to lose weight and I've done it so many times in the past. I'm sure over the years I've lost 200 pounds...of course not all at one time.

I had an epiphany the other day. I got on the scale. I am heavier now than I have ever been. Part of that is due to the steroids I have been on for 9 months. I am off now and have seen some (like 3 pounds) weight loss in the 3 weeks that I've been off of them but I am still heavier than ever before.

It's not like I didn't know the numbers when we went to the outlet mall the other day either. We went there so my husband could get some shoes. After he got shoes, I stopped in at the Lane Bryant outlet. I can usually spy something there but there was nothing in my size. There were a TON of 18/20 and 14/16. I hardly call a 14/16 plus size by the way!

I was more than disappointed and realized that not only did I have a hard time finding clothes in my size but I also have a hard time finding shoes in my size--size 11, rings-size 10, and bracelets/watches-I need something that will fit an 8" wrist comfortably. In every fashion aspect of my life I have difficulty finding things that are attractive and my size.

The ride home was quiet. I silently shed a few tears in my seat on the way home and my sweet husband sensed that something was wrong and stroked my hair and told me he loved me. The thoughts of despair came quickly but at one point I realized that I needed divine help.

We've all heard of 12 step programs for addictions. I figured that if an alcoholic can pray for help and a drug addict can pray for help than why shouldn't I be able to pray for help with my addiction to food?

At that point I figured that there really wasn't anything to cry about. I am a pretty capable woman in most areas of my life. I can be a procrastinator sometimes but I am generally able to accomplish what I put my mind to. I decided that there were some things that I could do to be more successful in this area of my life.

I do believe that if you put God first in your life that He will make up any difference you may have in your life. I honestly feel that if I can do some basic spiritual things better in my life that I will have a mindset of success.

So...at great risk of some day being ridiculed for what I'm attempting...yet again...I have decided that:

1. I will pray for help every day.

2. I will read and study the scriptures for 30 minutes every day.

3. I will join Weight Watchers again. ( I actually did that online this morning and will go to a meeting this afternoon)

4. I will do something to move my body at least 3 times a week.

Taking the steps to try means something. Little by little, line upon line. Today is day 1...again.

What day is it?

I don't even know what day of my "diet" this is. Probably because I gave up after day 7. Not totally given up "given up" but I haven't really done anything that would say..."I'm on a diet." I've pretty much eaten what I wanted.

I haven't gained any weight and I've lost like a pound but seriously I could gain a pound in an afternoon so what does that tell you!?

Today I had to have a follow up appointment at the doctor for an illness that I'm dealing with and she said that I've gained weight since my last appointment with her (Feb 10) but that she isn't surprised because of the fact that I take Prednisone.

Hmmm...could it be the fact that I've had a couple of bowls of Blue Bell's Caramel Kettle Crunch ice cream...which should be illegal to make let alone eat! Or the Otis Spunkmeyer cookies that I have the pre-made dough for? I could eat a dozen of those in an hour no problem!

Let's just go with the Prednisone theory! I'll take what I can get.

Anyway...it's now cooling off here and I'm determined to do better at exercising...and by that I mean walking at least 3 times a week to start out with. You just can't do that when it's literally 107 outside! Today's high is 88 so I think tonight will be a good night for a walk don't you?

If Day 4 and 5 were bad...

then days 6 and 7 were disgusting!

After YEARS of dieting and losing weight and gaining weight I DO know certain things. One of those things is that having junk in your house is weight loss suicide!

I do have healthier choices in the house but when there is a pan of caramel brownies on the counter a nectarine just doesn't sound or smell as good. I shouldn't have even had ONE but I did and then I had another 4 or even 5 in the last 18 hours. I didn't make them, my daughter did but I didn't stop her, in fact I asked her to do it. What is wrong with me?

This weekend we packed more boxes, did good deeds, went to church, and ran errands. Too many unhealthy choices in food. I didn't want to go to a restaurant to eat so we opted for fast food too many times this weekend. I have to think more about what I am putting into my mouth. Maybe I need a buddy?? A person that I would actually tell how much I weigh. Could I do that? Can I tell someone who knows me what the actual numbers on the scale say?!???? I'll have to give that some thought.

We start moving tomorrow and I'm determined to make a fresh start in many aspects of my life.

So far today is not a total loss. I WILL make changes for the rest of the day.

Day 4 and Day 5-Not so Good Days

Ok...so I didn't blog this morning because I left the house at 8:30 and didn't come back until around 3:30 or so. It's been a long day. And a horrible day for eating, as was yesterday.

Yesterday I felt so snacky all day. It could be stress...I have a lot to do in the next week. I think I chose better than I have in the past, tried to stick to 100 calorie packs but I seriously ate 3 of those things. I should have had a Snickers bar...at least I would have enjoyed it more!

Went out to dinner last night with friends and we went to Chipotle. I meant to look up WW points on Dottie's blog thing but didn't and although I ordered a salad with beans and chicken I think I should have left off the sour cream drizzle, guacamole---not a drizzle, and the corn. I have no idea what the calorie content of that little doozy was.

This morning I ate a bowl of Special K with half a banana and some Splenda. I also had a glass of Lite Pomegranite Raspberry juice. Only 5 calories on the juice so I felt fine about that. I really did start off well but then by 12:30 I was starving. We were out in the BOONIES and seriously THE only place was Sonic. There is nothing diet at Sonic. I should have gone for a jr. burger and tots but I didn't. I actually ate a regular hamburger and ordered a large onion rings. Thankfully the 2 other people with me ate half the onion rings but seriously I felt sick after I ate.

Tonight I had 3 slices of a medium Dominos pizza with ham, pineapple and black olives on it. I would have been ok with 2 but then my husband offered me a third piece. I swear he's a "feeder". Another topic for another blog.

So I am feeling really crappy tonight...hence the cartoon at the top. Tomorrow WILL be better. I have some yummy nectarines on the counter waiting for me in the morning.

Note to self....drink more water and recognize your thirst isn't hunger.

Day 3- I've Always Liked Slides

What, not the image you had in mind for a slide? Hmmm...if I wouldn't bleed to death I might think that particular slide was a good idea....especially since I could use a little (ok A LOT) shaved off my butt!

Anyway...yesterday morning I got the house sort of straightened up and took my son to the pool. I basked in the bright sunshine for a little while, until perspiration actually dripped down my neck, and then got into the pool myself. I managed to swim about 7 laps. It's not an olympic sized pool by any stretch of the imagination but it was movement and it did feel good.

As for eating yesterday I started out with a fresh yogurt strawberry and banana smoothie. It was excellent and although I really wanted something else after that, I got dressed and we went to the pool instead. By the time we got home at 11:30 I was pretty starving though.

Lunch consisted of more chicken salad, this time on one of those Arnold Sandwich Thins. Those are pretty delicious if you haven't tried them. I also had a salad with lite Ranch dressing. I really need to go get my favorite dressing which is Ken's fat free Caesar dressing.

About an hour or so after that I was hungry again! Some days are like that for me. I just want to snack. So I opted for Smart Pop kettle corn. The whole darn thing is only 1 point for Weight Watchers so I chomped away.

Through the day I also managed to eat two 100 calorie pack snacks. I told you it was a snacky day for me. I also chewed a lot of gum yesterday! Note to self...stock up on Extra gum next time you're at Walmart.

By the time dinner time came I wasn't in the mood to cook so while my husband and son ate left overs and cereal respectively. I had another chicken salad sandwich and a salad.

In the evening my husband went to do a little service project for a lady in our church and I went with him. It took a little longer than we expected and it was HOT outside. Our 9 year old was with us and he was really good so on the way home we stopped at Braum's. It's an ice cream joint. They also have real food and a little grocery store. Kind of an odd combo but it works for here.

Anyway...Braum's is one of our favorite places. I mean, you can get a single scoop waffle cone for $1.25!!! So...that's where I slid. I indulged in a single scoop of German Chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. I have NO idea what the caloric intake was. I seriously need to get moved so I can unpack my scale and get back to WW for real!

I'm counting the pluses and the minuses for yesterday and moving forward today. So far it's 8:44 and I haven't had breakfast but I'm headed in that direction now. Probably another smoothie and maybe some oatmeal.

Day 2-Baby Steps

Those chubby little legs and feet are cute. Mine are chubby, not little and they're definitely not cute!

Baby steps are important. It's important to start somewhere, to start slow and hold someone's hand if you have to. Babies kind of have to get used to the idea of being upright and figuring out how their body balances before they can take off and walk let alone run.

I am thinking that I will update this blog everyday. We'll see how that goes. But here's the 411 about yesterday.

I bragged about eating a great breakfast which was awesome. I didn't feel hungry at all during the morning. I ate around 7. By 10:30 I was in the car with my daughter to run an errand which was about 30 minutes away.

On the way we had to go past QuikTrip...it's like a 7-11. My favorite drink there is Diet Pepsi with some vanilla flavoring added in. I got a 44 ounce drink! I don't know how many calories the vanilla flavoring has in it and frankly I didn't care. I was "rewarding" myself for doing so well up to that point. Fat people do that...reward themselves. Why? I don't know. Topic for another blog.

If you're going to get a fountain drink at a gas station it's not like you can't NOT get a snack. So...I tried to make a good decision and didn't do very well. I chose peanuts. I guess it could have been worse, I could have gotten the Twix I really wanted. The problem with the nuts was that I didn't buy the little tube of nuts. I bought a small bag for $1.99.

Along the drive I snacked away, all the while thinking I should stop eating the nuts. At one point I did put them in the glove box. But I swear they called my name out loud! I don't know what it is about nuts but I love the crunch, the salt, and the entire experience of eating nuts. So before we had gotten to our destination the whole bag was gone. I felt pretty sick about it but what was I going to do at that point. If I'd been someone else I might have stuck my finger down my throat but I hate to vomit so why would I???

So...we did our errand, walked the mall (that's a plus) but I sampled a pepperoni pretzel from Auntie Annies! Is there anything more delicious than an Auntie Annie's pretzel? I don't think so. I didn't buy one though. I was satisfied with the nibble I tried. More shopping. Then we left the mall.

By this time it was about 1:00 in the afternoon. I was hungry for some real food. I'd heard about Pei Wei and hadn't tried it so we went in. My daughter and I got the Sesame Chicken. It came with brown or white rice. I should have chosen brown but I got the white. My success there was that I didn't eat the entire meal. I packaged up more than half and brought it home to my husband.

So all in all I didn't think I did too badly on the lunch. I really need to log this food into Weight Watchers but my scale is packed and I'm not doing that until I get moved next week. Anyway...I didn't have any snacks during the afternoon but by dinner I was pretty hungry.

I made chicken salad for dinner. I added some pineapple, grapes, craisens, celery and some cashew nuts along with the shredded chicken and miracle whip lite. I ate it on a whole grain bun and had a salad with lite ranch dressing.

After dinner, my son and I went for a walk. I walked and he rode his bike. I walked as fast as I could and we walked for a solid 45 minutes. I was drenched by the time I got back.

It felt good to walk, iPod in my ears with the music blaring. Note to self...upload some better music. Colbie Caillet is ok but not really as inspiring as Beyonce's Bootylicious!

As I walked, a cool breeze blew and as I listened to the music I felt envigorated. By the time I got home my knees were in somewhat of a rebellion as I continue to struggle with some joint inflammation but I'm determined to keep going. Maybe tonight I'll go back to the pool for a little while.

So far this morning I've had a strawberry banana smoothie for breakfast. We're getting ready to go to the pool before it feels like the surface of the sun out there. Hopefully I can get some laps in.

That's baby steps so far.