Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Here We Go Again....

For a long time I've theorized that there is something inside an overweight person's mind that makes them see themselves as being less heavy than they really are. I think it's something similar to the way a person with anorexia views themselves only in reverse.

In my humble opinion it's more socially acceptable to be anorexic than obese. Let's be honest, most people would rather look at at woman who is thin and perceives herself as being overweight than vice-versa.

To illustrate my point just look at the photos below and decide which one you'd rather see in action.

My point exactly!!!!

Anyway....I know I'm overweight/obese. I know I need to lose weight and I've done it so many times in the past. I'm sure over the years I've lost 200 pounds...of course not all at one time.

I had an epiphany the other day. I got on the scale. I am heavier now than I have ever been. Part of that is due to the steroids I have been on for 9 months. I am off now and have seen some (like 3 pounds) weight loss in the 3 weeks that I've been off of them but I am still heavier than ever before.

It's not like I didn't know the numbers when we went to the outlet mall the other day either. We went there so my husband could get some shoes. After he got shoes, I stopped in at the Lane Bryant outlet. I can usually spy something there but there was nothing in my size. There were a TON of 18/20 and 14/16. I hardly call a 14/16 plus size by the way!

I was more than disappointed and realized that not only did I have a hard time finding clothes in my size but I also have a hard time finding shoes in my size--size 11, rings-size 10, and bracelets/watches-I need something that will fit an 8" wrist comfortably. In every fashion aspect of my life I have difficulty finding things that are attractive and my size.

The ride home was quiet. I silently shed a few tears in my seat on the way home and my sweet husband sensed that something was wrong and stroked my hair and told me he loved me. The thoughts of despair came quickly but at one point I realized that I needed divine help.

We've all heard of 12 step programs for addictions. I figured that if an alcoholic can pray for help and a drug addict can pray for help than why shouldn't I be able to pray for help with my addiction to food?

At that point I figured that there really wasn't anything to cry about. I am a pretty capable woman in most areas of my life. I can be a procrastinator sometimes but I am generally able to accomplish what I put my mind to. I decided that there were some things that I could do to be more successful in this area of my life.

I do believe that if you put God first in your life that He will make up any difference you may have in your life. I honestly feel that if I can do some basic spiritual things better in my life that I will have a mindset of success.

So...at great risk of some day being ridiculed for what I'm attempting...yet again...I have decided that:

1. I will pray for help every day.

2. I will read and study the scriptures for 30 minutes every day.

3. I will join Weight Watchers again. ( I actually did that online this morning and will go to a meeting this afternoon)

4. I will do something to move my body at least 3 times a week.

Taking the steps to try means something. Little by little, line upon line. Today is day 1...again.

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