Thursday, October 29, 2009

Leavin' on a jet plane

So I'm going to visit a very hot state for a sad reason but I'm secretly happy that I won't be weighing in tomorrow at WW.

Not only has this been a crappy food week for me...poor choices all around as well as not tracking AT ALL...but thanks to mother nature I'm also experiencing feminine issues. So, next Friday will be a weigh in and a better week.

At least I don't have to stand in front of someone who will lean in slightly over the desk and whisper, "You're up a bit."

Next week I'm pulling out all the stops!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Just for the record....

I should not have done this family activity last night....

They're too delicious and I should have sent them all to school with my child.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sticking with the Fairy Tale Theme

Actually it's an Aesop's Fable.

Apparently slow and steady wins the race. I have had to keep repeating that to myself this afternoon.

Today I got on the scale and showed a 1.2 lb loss. I swear it would have been a little more but instead of my light summer Capri pants and summer blouse, I wore sweat pants and a short sleeved shirt. I did take off my socks...pathetic...they weigh what... an ounce? But every stinkin' ounce counts people!!!

Isn't that something skinny people just don't think about? Their brains are totally different when it comes to the scale. I'm standing there in the reception area of Weight Watchers taking off my jacket, my shoes and then my socks. If I could have taken off my bra and thought I'd get another ounce off I might have done that if it wouldn't have been so totally awkward for the rest of the people standing there.

Maybe they need to have a little room where you could actually take off all your clothes and weigh naked like I do in the morning. Oh and when I weigh, I have to make sure that I haven't had breakfast or even a drink of water, that I've used the restroom and emptied my bladder and if the planets align my bowels too. That's too much 411 for you isn't it? Sorry but I guess you don't have to read this blog to begin with so...

Anyway...honestly I was a little disappointed. Earlier in the year I was seeing losses of 4 pounds, 6 pounds, 3 pounds per week. It helped me stay more motivated. But then I was working and I wasn't home with all the food surrounding me.

I still need to make better food choices. I am a total carbaholic...I love breads, cookies, granola bars, stuff like that. Even the Weight Watcher stuff that I've gotten is mostly sweet. So even though I'm only having a 1 point caramel and chocolate bar it's still not the best choice. I think maybe this week I'll make my food like I did when I was working. Pack a lunch and put it in the refrigerator.

I got some B-12 today at Target. I hear it helps your metabolism. Anything to help at this point.

Next week's goals...
1. Do better at tracking my food.
2. Make better choices on filling foods like fruits and vegetables.
3. Meet Richard Simmons in my living room at least 4 times during the week.
4. Drink all the water I can stand.

Onward and downward, I would have said onward and upward but that's not really my goal!

I hope to see less of me next week!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

This will sound pathetic...and it just might be.

Yesterday on the local morning show I caught a glimpse of Janis Ian. I wouldn't have remembered the name but I totally remembered the song when they played part of it to introduce her.

AT SEVENTEEN (click here to find a link on to hear the song)
(Janis Ian)

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say – come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
whose name I never could pronounce
said – Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich relationed hometown queen
marries into what she needs
with a guarantee of company
and haven for the elderly

Remember those who win the game
lose the love they sought to gain
in debentures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
of valentines that never came
and those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me

We all play the game, and when we dare
we cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
that call and say – Come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
at ugly girls like me, at seventeen

I was 11 when the song was released and I remember hearing it on the radio when I was in high school and I will admit that I felt much like the girl in the song then.

When I was in elementary school on Valentines Day you would bring Valentines for the people you wanted to bring them for. You didn't have to bring one for EVERYONE like you do now. I remember girls and boys getting tons and tons of them and I would get maybe one or two. I always hated Valentines day because of that.

When we played dodge ball or any other sport I was ALWAYS picked last. I knew that I'd get picked last but as a kid I'd stand there waving my arm yelling 'pick me pick me'. It never happened. It sucked being the last kid picked.

In high school I never had a date, never had a boyfriend, never went to prom (even though I was on the Jr/Sr Prom committee). Instead there were "reject" parties for those who had no dates. How pathetic!

I wondered if this song was written about me!

My best friend in high school was a cheerleader. She was about 5' 4" and small and I think she wore as size 7 shoe. I was 5'7" and wore a size 10 shoe and not small. I compared myself to her and to all of the other very tiny girls in our high school. I wasn't a shy person and I thought of myself as fun and fun to be around.

I was in Pep Club, I won the senior class vote for Best Actress, I had friends, I had the respect of my teachers and peers. However inside I never quite felt like I was as good as my other girlfriends who were thin. They could shop in the old store called 5,7,9...I always wished I could shop there but not even my feet were small enough to shop there!

It's too bad that during my youth I didn't understand how kids can be or how much our self image is distorted when we have no real perspective in life.

Now here I am, 45 and struggling to lose weight...AGAIN.

I re-read the story of the Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen today. Here is the link...

The Ugly Duckling

I relate to this little "duck"... "And so they made themselves comfortable; but the poor duckling, who had crept out of his shell last of all, and looked so ugly, was bitten and pushed and made fun of, not only by the ducks, but by all the poultry. “He is too big,” they all said,..."

In the end the Ugly Duckling is determined to let the majestic swans kill him to put him out of his misery. He stands near the waters edge and says, “I will fly to those royal birds,” he exclaimed, “and they will kill me, because I am so ugly, and dare to approach them; but it does not matter: better be killed by them than pecked by the ducks, beaten by the hens, pushed about by the maiden who feeds the poultry, or starved with hunger in the winter.”

But here is what happens...

Then he flew to the water, and swam towards the beautiful swans. The moment they espied the stranger, they rushed to meet him with outstretched wings.

Kill me,” said the poor bird; and he bent his head down to the surface of the water, and awaited death.

But what did he see in the clear stream below? His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan. ...He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.

I hope to take a lesson from the Ugly Duckling...I need to enjoy the pleasure and happiness around me. I need to understand the potential that is in me to become what I hope to be.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Baby Steps

Tonight I went for a 30 minute walk with my husband while our son rode his bike. It was crisp and cool and refreshing. I could feel the "burn" in my legs.

Then after my son was in bed we laid in our own bed to watch some TV. The worst channel for a person on a diet to watch is the Food Network...tonight it was Diners Drive-In's and Dives. It makes me salivate just to watch the food being cooked.


They're so hard for me food wise! They're just less structured and we have a tendency to go and do stuff! I haven't really thought about food over the weekend other than to think..."maybe you shouldn't eat that" but I did anyway!

Today...back on plan!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Progress: the act of moving forward (as toward a goal)

Today I weighed in at Weight Watchers. I lost 4/10's of a pound. Not even half a pound. Just .4!

I had to remind myself that although I didn't drop the number I hoped for that I am making progress with each little mole hill climbed. I'm sure that the extra pieces of bread dipped in dipping oils this week didn't help, nor did my trip to the "Autumn Butters" class I went to last night.

So my total weight loss for 4 weeks is 6 pounds. Onward and upward and I'm sure I need to do more sweating and less nibbling.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


I'm hoping I can lose another pound in my sleep tonight. I just don't know how good a week this has been as far as weight loss. I have to keep in mind that it's not just about the numbers moving. It's about being healthier and more fit.

Sweatin' to the Oldies

I just finished doing my first workout with Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies video. It's not my very first workout to the video EVER...just this time around trying to lose weight.

Initially I started doing the workouts back in 1995. I had seen him a long time before that on General Hospital and as quirky as he is I liked his personality.

Anyway...I was going to workout yesterday but the VHS tape that I had from "way back when" has disappeared but luckily my daughter has the 20th Anniversary DVD and she gave it to me last night.

As I moved to the familiar routines my mind flooded with thoughts. I remembered how I LOVED my Social Dance class in college, how I'd rather do this than walk on a treadmill. I thought of how the last time I really did the workouts I had a mirror in front of me. It wasn't a pretty sight seeing all of this flesh moving around to music but I will NEVER forget the one time I looked in the mirror and could actually see that my body was changing! It was glorious. It reminded me that I need to jot down my measurements so that on weeks that I might not lose I might at least see progress in my body shape.

Over the years I've tried lots of different things, Jazzercize, Zumba, gym memberships and truth be told I'd rather be at the YMCA but it's too far from where I currently live. So today I'm exercising in my living room with the blinds closed. No one should have to look in here and see this even by accident!

Today I made myself laugh out loud during the routine as I reached and danced and felt muscles that I haven't felt for a while. Remember the movie "Ruthless People" with Bette Midler, Danny DeVito, Judge Reinhold and Helen Slater? (1986)

I thought of Bette Midler's character, Barbara Stone, being chained to a bed and exercising by herself in the basement where she is being held for ransom. I'm not a prisoner in my house but I kind of felt like her for a brief moment!

I've actually met Richard Simmons. I met him back in 2002 when I joined "Get Healthy Pensacola". He came to the Bay Front Auditorium (which is gone) and did a giant class. My boss, who was and still is VERY thin, and her mother in law came with me. I was determined to be on the stage and exercise with him! And we did!!! Afterwards, I got to meet him personally. I found him to be a kind and genuine man.

So...thanks Richard for the workout and thanks Bette for making me laugh at myself.

Does anyone else do this?

I want to weigh myself this morning but not before I've eaten and after I've used the restroom. Every ounce counts right?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


I recovered from not eating lunch earlier in the day and did make myself sit at 2:00 and eat a salad and a lean cuisine BBQ Chicken Pizza! It was fabulous!

Tonight for dinner I made my Award Winning Turkey Chili, each serving has about 4 WW points so I'm still ok. I can even add some toppings if I want.

Here is the recipe.

1 to 1 1/4 pounds ground turkey
1 can (16 oz) kidney or pinto beans, undrained
1 can (16 oz) stewed tomatoes
1 can (6 oz) tomato paste
2 Tablespoons each...chili powder and dried onion
1/2 teaspoon each...garlic powder, oregano, cumin, paprika, black pepper and salt.

Spray large saucepan or Dutch oven with non-stick cooking spray. Heat over medium high about 30 seconds.

Crumble ground turkey into saucepan. Cook and stir 3 to 5 minutes or until lightly browned.

Add remaining ingredients plus 1 1/2 to 2 Cups water, stir thoroughly. Cook on medium-high heat *15-30 minutes.

Top with sour cream, shredded cheese, green chilis, onions, black olives if desired.

Oh PS...I really did win a prize for this at a chili cook off! It's not really very spicy but you can add more spice if you like.

I estimated that this recipe makes 6 servings which would calculate into 4 Weight Watchers points per serving as long as you omit the toppings.

**I also double the amount of beans because I like beans.
*I typically cook mine for at least an hour on LOW so that the flavors really mix together.

After dinner I will still have 7 points left for the day but I probably won't use them since I ate like a fiend over the weekend without tracking my points!


Why do I have the hardest time actually sitting down for lunch? It's almost 2 and now I'm past the point of hungry. Why do I do this to myself? I want to graze but I only want to graze on bad stuff.

I did exercise today so that's a plus.

I'm sorry but I just can't relate to you Valerie Bertinelli

Ok...I'm not trying to diminish any one's weight loss here so let's just get that straight. She was on Good Morning America this morning and part 2 is on tomorrow so she's on my mind today.

Here are the statistics for Valerie. She is 5'2" tall, well really 5'2" short. Her starting weight before Jenny Craig was 172. First of all, I'm jealous that she has a "1" in the beginning of her weight. Her BMI was 31.5 prior to the weight loss, obese according to the BMI chart.

What I see in the above picture on the right is a voluptuous woman. She's curvy yes and I'm sure she doesn't have washboard abs but she's still gorgeous and sexy.

Although she did lose weight and was obese according to the BMI charts, I still think that's a crock to call her obese, her issues are different from a person of my size.

First of all...I think she could still have shopped for clothes at a normal size clothing store. She didn't have to go to Harry's Hefty Hideaway for her clothing. My guess is that she probably never wore anything more than a size 18. That may be large for a small person I understand that. But until you've gone into the size 22/24 range or heaven forbid the 26/28 range you DON'T know what it means to not find clothes! And there are larger sized women out there people! Their choices are even more limited!

I blogged about this once before on my private blog but for those who have not had the privilege of seeing that let me re-address the issue minus the photos.

It's a HUGE beef, ok probably a poor description for a person on a diet, of mine that a plus sized woman has such difficulty finding clothes that actually fit. That's one of my main motivations for trying to lose weight.

I'll accept having to wear a size 16 or 18 or even a 20 because you can actually purchase those sizes in regular stores. You don't have to search high and low for the TWO racks of plus sized clothes in stores like that. AND you don't have to purchase clothes from places called "More to Love"! That's a real place!

Have you ever looked around in Target? Do you see ALL the clothes for normal sized women in there? I mean seriously it's like half the store. Then there are MAYBE 4 racks of clothes in the "Women's" section. The clothes that they do have there are just larger sizes in the styles that they offer for the regular sized woman.

There are a couple of problems with that. I don't really WANT to look pregnant or fatter because the style for the time being is empire waisted shirts, I don't WANT to show off my fat arms with cap sleeves and I really don't WANT a banded shirt at the bottom to hug around the fattest part of my body. I wonder if Mossimo has ever tried his clothes on a person who was over a size 14, had more flesh around their middle than he has on his entire body or whose arms are the size of small toddlers!

Please everyone...size 14 is not plus sized! A size 14 person does not have the same issues as a person who wears a size 22/24!!!! Get a grip! Try your stuff on me! I'll come in and you can try and figure out how to fit your clothes on a real Plus Size Woman!

Ok...I just had to get that off my chest.

I'm happy for you Valerie but really, did it kill you that much to wear a fattie size 16 or 18? Are you feeling THAT much better wearing a size 2/4??? You're like the size of my thigh!

I'm sure you are feeling great and like you've climbed Everest but I just can't relate to you...on so many levels other than the weight loss.

I want to see Jenny Craig take someone really large and show them off as their poster child for weight loss. Heck, I'd even volunteer!

Congratulations Valerie. Now I'm going to go and join Richard Simmons in my living room to Sweat to the Oldies!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Before and After

One thing you realize when you're overweight is that if you allow anyone to take a "full body" shot of you, you're going to regret it. They don't even really warn you that you need to straighten up, turn this way or that or suck it in a little. It would be rude actually so you pretty much insist that people photograph you from the shoulder up!

This is as close to a before picture as you're gonna get. I'm sure I'm sucking it in by the way. This is earlier this year before we went to the Billy Joel/Elton John Concert. I'd lost about 10 pounds by then. The great pattern on the shirt hides MANY flaws!

And this....THIS is what I would love to be someday! It will take A LOT of weight loss and several surgeries so I doubt that I'll be this....but if I ever do...I'm getting a dress just like that and having my picture taken!

Genesis of This Blog

I'm a 45 year old woman on a quest to lose weight and become a thinner, healthier version of who I am now.

I'm basically satisfied with who I am as a person. I have other areas to improve on for sure but for now this blog is about my struggle to become thin, well...honestly, just less heavy.

The reality in my brain right now is that I will never be thin. Thin was me when I left for college at a size 10. The thinnest I've ever been. For now I'd just be happy for my weight to start with a "1"!!

Not even my husband knows exactly how much I weigh. Honestly, I don't think he'd really care what the number is. He's a good guy. He has never made my weight an issue in our marriage, never been embarrassed to be seen with the fattest girl at the party, never suggested a diet, purchased a diet aide for me or anything like that. It's been a non-issue. Bless his soul!

So why the title..."Wake Me Up When I'm Thin"? I often say that I feel like I went to bed thin one night and then woke up in this alien body. I got pregnant 4 months after getting married and I was a healthy, fit 170 pounds when I married. (I'm 5'7" tall and have a large frame. Although some might say that my 170 pounds was 27 years later...I'm thinking it's pretty svelt!) Over the next 9 months I don't think I realized what was really happening to me to my body.

The reality didn't hit me until 2 days after I gave birth, traumatically by c-section at the age of 21, when I stood up for the first time and looked in the mirror. My stomach, which had never been a flat six-pack type belly, had basically turned into a flap hammock! I probably could have used it as a baby sling like women carry their babies in now over their shoulder. I probably could have even pulled it up that far. Stretch marks? Oh could draw the entire U.S. Highway system on my stomach. You wanna know the best route to get from Florida to Washington state...step over here and I'll show you!

Three more full term pregnancies and too many other stresses and calories to count and I'm now the "me" I've become.

So the title comes because in my heart of hearts if I could go to sleep fat and wake up thin that would be the greatest miracle since the parting of the Red Sea. Since that's not likely to happen and since I've got to make an effort...bleh to that...I have decided to blog. I am hoping that it helps me and perhaps maybe another person.

I'm sure there will be good days and bad days as I struggle through this journey. It will be a struggle...I love food. When I hear people talk about managing your hunger I think to myself..."no one could possibly be THIS hungry!"

My course of action...Weight Watchers and exercise.

So far today's been a good day. I've likely eaten all of my flex points since I weighed in last Friday but I'm determined to keep it under control for the rest of the week. Wish me luck.