11 Months and I'm not a good blogger

It's hard to believe that it's been a little over 11 months since my surgery. I've been at a stall for about the last 2 months. I'll lose and then gain and then lose again and gain again. 

I've not had much time for "me" in the last couple of months. I became a grandma again for the 3rd time at the end of July, school started when we got back from vacation/baby birth, then we went back out west for a big weekend and I brought the grandchildren and my daughter back with me for 2 more weeks and I'm finally recovering from all the festivities there. 

Basically...it's time to get my butt in gear. Speaking of my butt...I used to tell  friends that I had TWO butts...one in the front and one in the back! Well...my extra butt is shrinking and I think that it actually may be smaller than the back butt I'm supposed to have! My real butt is kind of flat anyway...it was when I was young and thin and now that I've gotten 95 pounds off it's kind of reverted to it's old flat self. If only I could have a butt lift in the back! 

I have reached a couple of milestones in the last few months. First off...if you're a large person you know that a regular bath towel doesn't really cover you up when you get out of the shower. If you're heavy at some point you "graduated" to a bath sheet! There were times I thought I might need a "bath tent" but they don't make those! Anyway...I've used a bath sheet for YEARS! Regular towels in NO way covered up enough of my body that I could dry off with them let alone wrap it around myself and stroll into my bedroom. About 2 months ago I didn't have my bath sheet when I got out of the shower and so I grabbed a regular bath towel and to my surprise...it actually went around my body AND covered everything! I felt a little bit sexy as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing a regular person's bath towel. Not a bath sheet, not an oversized towel but a regular towel! OH HAPPY DAY!

My 2nd milestone....I purchased Queen sized panty hose for the first time in YEARS 2 months ago. I had always either had to get the "Just My Size" hosiery or when they stocked it I would purchase hosiery from Lane Bryant. In high school I purchased Q size Leggs hosiery..back when it came in a full plastic egg. They don't come in the plastic egg any more but I am wearing a Q again! 

A third milestone is that I was able to put on the dress I wore in my engagement photos 28 1/2 years ago! A HUGE accomplishment. It's a size 13/14. I LOVED that dress. I didn't fit like it did 28 1/2 years ago...loose in the bust and arms, but I was able to wear it and not Hulk it out! I think that in another 10 pounds I can totally wear it and I just might! 

Milestone #4...I can shop in Gap! One of my daughters works for Gap and I can actually fit into size 14 Gap jeans and XL tops! I did treat myself to a few new things a while back. It's great to shop these days. I hardly have to try things on but I like to do it just to see how I look in clothes. It's fun to try on different outfits! I'm not a size 0 or even a single digit size but I really don't care. 

And the last milestone...I can wear clothes my daughters wear. When we were shopping together 3 weeks ago I tried on something and then gave it to my daughter to purchase. It did look better on her than it did on me but just knowing that I even had the opportunity to make a choice was miraculous! Two of my daughters have handed things down to me and the reality that I could borrow something from them is mind blowing!

One thing that has been sort of unreal to me is that men are noticing me. At the beginning of October I attended a 30th reunion with my husband. I had never met any of his friends. When we arrived the first person to meet me was a respected mentor of my husband's. We were introduced and he looked at my husband and said, "Your wife is beautiful inside and out!" I was stunned...it felt good to be noticed and to have someone give me such a nice compliment. I've heard compliments before but I think I never took them as genuine compliments because I didn't feel good about myself. (And yes I've heard things like, "you have such a pretty face." ---We all know that translates to "You're pretty but you'd be prettier if you weren't so fat.) Anyway...Later on in the evening I was introduced to another friend of my husband's. As we spoke his eyes shifted back and forth from my husband to me. In the middle of a sentence he stopped and looked at me and then looked at my husband and said, "Your wife is really beautiful!" It was a great event for me on many levels but to have 2 men who don't even know me pay me such nice compliments made my self esteem soar. 

I have much more to accomplish. I NEED to tone up this body in the worst way. They don't make Spanx that are big enough to suck in all that needs sucking! 

Anyway....here are photos from today. My size 14 Gap jeans! A size XL blouse from my oldest daughter. It feels awesome!!! I really want to get down another 8 pounds so that I can be past 100 pounds lost by my year mark on November 16! 

 

7 Months +

Wow...it's been so long since I've blogged (April 6 was my last post) that they've changed the blogger format in the mean time.

 Whoa! OK. So...what's been happening? Well, in April I had a daughter and son in law graduate, we packed up our house to get ready to move and in May we moved. It was only 5 miles but it was still a process. I did take a picture in May (on the 5th to be exact) These are me wearing my new Old Navy size 16 jeans. They are tight in the picture...don't get me wrong but I could get my butt into them AND this size XL shirt from Old Navy too!

May was a rough month weight wise. I didn't really lose all that much according to what I "should" be losing, but I did go down another 10 pounds during the month. "They" say that you should lose about 3-4 pounds a week but I haven't done that. I also wasn't exercising or eating enough protein at the time. I'm trying to correct that.

So a few milestones in the last couple of months, I am able to purchase Q size panty hose. That might seem like it's not something to be proud of but when you had to buy "Just My Size" and just my size was at times a 4X a Q size sounds pretty darn good to me!

I am solidly in a size 16 now. My 18's are too big and I'm on my way into a size 14. Another milestone...I actually got a size 12 pair of jean on my body without lying down on the floor to zip them up. They are NOT my size but the fact that I could get them on and zip them up is A. MAY. ZING.!!!

Here's a picture from today next to my "night before surgery" photo.

Another milestone...I am now wearing a size 38 DD bra! I was wearing a 36 C when I was 20 and my biggest size was a 44D. I'm sure this is more information than anyone ever wanted to know about me but it's my story.

Today I had my husband take a picture of me in a pair of pants that were at one time tight. When I put them on he said, "First of all those had to have been big on you!" And I was like, "Ummmm...no, they were actually tight at one point!" Another amazing thing. I only wish I'd tucked the shirt in better for the picture because you might be able to see how much bigger in the waist they really are. Anyway...I'm not half my former size but I'm getting there!

I'm exercising more and hope to see some further weight loss numbers but in the mean time I am feeling much healthier. I actually got on a bike for the first time in years and rode 2 miles with my son. It was really freeing to be on a bicycle and ride. I'm working on trying to get the "bat wings" a little smaller and working on drinking more water, eating more protein etc.

Here is a pic of me after church today. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to go and buy clothes right now. I can go into a store and pick out a size 16 and try it on and have it fit! It almost makes me cry! I remember when I was a junior size 15/16 in high school and how I would cry because I couldn't find anything in my size. (If only I'd not shopped in the junior department and shopped in misses where clothes fit a woman's body and not a boy body with boobs)

I got this Michael Kors dress yesterday at a consignment shop called Clothes Mentor for $11! I literally get goosebumps finding clothes for cheap and have gotten quite a few things at thrift stores as well. No sense in spending outrageous amounts of money on clothing that I will have to give away or resell at some point. When I do reach my desired goal...I swear I'm going to buy some fabulous, very expensive piece of clothing. I don't know what it will be but it will be STUNNING!

Oh and my hair looks a little crazy, I "zhuzzed" it up to quote Carson Kressley and I think I went a little nutso!

Out With The Old, In With The New

On Monday morning I took all of the clothes that I'd purged from my closet to the various places I'd decided to get rid of them.

My first stop was Clothes Mentor, a consignment shop for women's clothing. I took the 3 bins in knowing that they wouldn't keep it all but hoping to make a few bucks. They took a few things and I made $38. Not too bad. I took the other things over to Goodwill.

As I dumped my clothes into a cart at Goodwill I had a feeling of melancholy come over me. I was dumping my life into the bins. The dresses I had worn to my daughters' weddings, clothes I wore in family pictures, my favorite old sweatshirt, jeans I'd worn when I'd gotten "skinny" when I was sick a few years ago. I think that for a split second I wanted to grab them all and take them back home but I got in my car and drove away from the "old" me. In some ways it was liberating and at the same time there's still a bit of sadness a few days later. I haven't really wrapped my brain around it.

The sadness was eased on Wednesday when I stepped on the scale and realized that I'd lost 70 pounds! What a great day! Next goal...80 pounds. Today I am down 71.8!

The other day my youngest daughter send me a text asking if I'd like her to bring home some of the jeans that are too big for her. (She too has been losing weight) Of course, I said yes. I'm excited to get my booty into some Gap jeans. I haven't worn Gap clothes since I was in junior high school! My oldest daughter brought a couple of things over for me the other day...and they fit! A regular size 16 pants...not women's plus size.

It's a good day! I'm headed to the gym now...happy to be a loser.

Progress

So today I decided that it was time to empty out my closet of all the things that no longer fit. We are moving and there's no sense in dragging all that stuff to the new house when I can donate some, sell some at a consignment shop and trash some of it.

I pulled out one pair of Capri pants that I bought a couple of summers ago. They were my "go to" pants when I outgrew some of my larger sizes. I put them on today and they are just huge. I cannot believe that I used to wear these and have them feel tight around my waist.

I've come a long way baby! I wish the pictures really showed how big these pants really are. I'm saving them so that one day I can step into one side of them for the final "after" picture.

I gotta find a new place to take pictures. The shadow is making my hair look so gross and this isn't a great angle for my face either!

Just a few of the clothes that I'm donating (in the bags) and the ones I'm selling (in the bins). I have 2 more bins' worth of stuff in the laundry right now. Wow!!!!

This is what I have left!

This is where the clothes used to be!

120 Days

I'm not gonna lie...this last month has been rough! I've had THE hardest time getting weight to come off and I've been totally craving carbs. I have been going to the gym but not every day like I should. I've lost 8 pounds in 4 weeks which I guess isn't that bad. I'm down a total of 68 pounds. I wish you could see it better than you can in these pictures. I think the choice of outfit for my "progress" photos isn't the best.

Anyway...I know I need to change some things...like eating more protein, getting more water in and exercising every single day. That's my goal. 2 more pounds until I'm down 70! I will go to my 2nd daughter's college graduation (and my son in law's as well) on April 20. I want to be down another 10 pounds for a total of 80. I CAN do it!

This is a picture of me from about 2 weeks ago when I got dressed to go to church. Maybe you can see the weight loss better in this photo?

The next picture was taken March 2011. I'm thinking I'm looking a lot better than I did last year at this time. What do you think?

Finally....60 POUNDS!!!

About 3 days ago or so I finally reached the 60 pound milestone! I am a happy woman. Today I'm down 61. Plateau's stink and make me depressed. I try to remember that it's just part of the journey.

A friend posted this in an online weight loss group I belong to. I'll spare you the google image of what I've lost!

90 Days Post op

I wish I could say that I'm down another 10 pounds to make it an even 60 but I'm down a total of 58.2 pounds. I am praying that I can be down the other 1.8 by tomorrow...a follow up appointment with my doctor.

I've been at a little plateau for about a week...the week of my birthday AND Valentine's Day. Maybe there is a coincidence? Although I have to say that after almost a week there is still cake left on the dish and it's probably time to throw it out. 

Some things about the last 3 weeks:

I'm wishing I could actually get sick when eating carbs but unfortunately that is not a problem for me. I haven't really had any negative side effects from this surgery. No hair loss, no nausea and vomiting, no aversion to foods. I have thrown up (TMI-sorry) once after eating and it was after I ate a totally protein packed lunch. Not sure why I threw up because it wasn't a virus or anything and I felt fine once I had vomited. It's weird...but then again so is my body soooo.

I can still only eat small portions which is great and I find that when I am really hungry I can hurt myself by eating too fast. I am still a carbohydrate addict. I really would prefer carbs to protein any day and have to make a conscious effort to eat more protein.

The first pic the before (pre-op) and today and the other one is pre-op, 1 month, 2 months and today. It might be hard to tell the difference but I feel so much better.

50 Pounds!

Drum roll please....

As of Saturday, January 21, I am officially down 50 pounds! I had a hard time finding a picture of 50 pounds of fat so this is actually a picture of 100 pounds of fat. But look at half that fat! That's a lot of fat! That's a lot of weight!

I feel great. I'm continuing to go to the gym. I wish I could say that I have no cravings. I am a carb addict. I would eat carbs over protein at any time so I have to push myself to make sure I am eating protein and not consuming an over abundance of carbs. Some days it's really hard to do and some days I have no problem and don't even think about it.

I have to reiterate this...the surgery is NOT a magic bullet. It's a tool to help in the journey. I wish that the surgery had changed my palate but it didn't. I wish the surgery would have changed my brain and the way I think about food but it didn't. The surgery changed my stomach physically but didn't change anything mental. It's a good thing for ME to be able to only eat to a certain point.

Since the surgery we've been out to dinner a few times. It AMAZES me the quantity of food that people consume when they dine. And I used to be one of those people. I could drink 4 glasses of coke at one meal, share an appetizer, have the entree and then eat dessert. That sounds normal right?

Let me tell you what I ate on Friday night at Texas Roadhouse. I ordered a 6 oz sirloin with a loaded baked potato and steamed broccoli and carrots.They have rolls there too. REALLY yummy rolls. They also have peanuts on the table. I love peanuts. I love the salty, crunchy, chewing of the peanuts. But I also know what too many peanuts will do to me.So here's what I actually ate:

3 peanuts
1/2 roll
1/3 of the sirloin
about 1/4 of the potato...probably a little less
3 small pieces of broccoli
3 baby carrots
about 1/3 cup of water

After dinner I was FULL! Now...I probably could have done without the roll. There are a lot of sleevers out there who don't touch carbs at all. I try not to do it too much and I feel like if I have 1/2 a roll I'm doin' alright.

So...look down there at the picture. See half of that fat? That's what's gone off my body! Amazing.

2 Month Surgiversary

So today is my 2 month surgiversary. I am posting the pictures although I don't think they really show the weight loss because my shirt is baggy. (The gray shirt is in the wash so I grabbed the white one.)

I have been going to the gym since joining last Tuesday. I've been 3 times and my goal is to go every day this next week, excluding Sunday. I'm getting a little faster on the treadmill and am burning about 300 calories and walking 2.25 miles each time. Afterwards I do some weight training for my upper body. My legs and hips are losing more weight and inches than my abdomen which is where I need it the most. Today I started working on the abdominal muscles on the Nautilus equipment.

Here's to another successful month!

OH MY GoodNESS!

Ok...so I've measured my body twice since beginning this journey. I was astonished at how large my body was. I mean to see the numbers...WHEW! What an eye opener.

The last time I measured I had lost a total of 14+ inches. I finally measured again today. OH WOW!!!

I have lost a total of....(drum roll please) 26.5 inches from my body.

Here's the breakdown:
neck: -1 inch
arm: -.25 inch
chest: -4 inches
waist: -4.75 inches
hips: -9 inches!!!!!!
thighs: -7.5 inches!!! 

What the heck? I can't believe that my hips and thighs were so much bigger than they are now. No wonder I can move better!

It was an eye opener that I need to do more for my upper body to lose inches.

Non scale victory- Today I went to the gym and walked 1.6 miles in 30 minutes.

Yippie!!!!

A great few days weight wise!

On Friday I had to go shopping again for some more clothes. I went to Avenue because I saw that they were having a sale of 60-70% off on some of their clearance merchandise. I tried on several pairs of jeans and found one that fit perfectly.

Guess what size it is? It's a size 16!!!! AND they fit!!! AND I bought them! I got some tops that were on sale for $7 too. My daughter and I went back on Saturday and I purchased a top in a size 14/16! A. MAY. ZING! It's a great feeling to be buying smaller sizes.

I've had some non-scale victories as well. Yesterday I had to clean up my son's room. He loves Star Wars stuff and had a little play area set up with rocks and figures and ships and animals...it could have been a movie set. I really needed to vacuum in there but couldn't do it around all the stuff so I had to sit on the floor and put things away in bins and pull things out from under the bed...you know how it is...especially if you have boys.

Anyway...at one point I noticed how easy it was to reach and move to get what I wanted and I had the realization that as I've lost weight my body has really changed. I used to get so sweaty and exhausted when I did tasks like that but yesterday I could move without feeling like I was exerting myself. As I drove to the doctor's office I thought about how it felt the "day I woke up fat". I remember sitting on the floor with my 5 month old baby wearing a pair of jeans that were probably two sizes too small. I remember the feeling in my legs and feeling like my legs were stuffed into my skin. The reality was that my fat was making my skin stretch in my legs. I hated the feeling. Unfortunately I got used to it and packed on even more weight over the years.

But yesterday I had the opposite sensation. It was a small epiphany for me.

I did go to my 6 week weight check and nutrition class yesterday. It was really the beginning of the 8th week for me because I am a little behind my meetings due to the holidays.

I always dress "light" on the days I have to weigh in. Had it not been so cold outside I would have worn Capri pants and a light blouse. Instead, I chose my light weight khaki pants and a new cotton top. I always step on the scale with great trepidation, even when I expect to see a loss. "Will it be enough? Do I only think I've lost and I've really gained?"

So I stepped on the scale and the nurse said, "Oh WOW! You're doing REALLY good." Then she wrote down the number, did a short calculation and announced that I've lost a total of 47 pounds! I was ecstatic!

The nutrition class was great. I am allowed to eat any foods that agree with me including raw vegetables so that means I can now have salad. I've been craving salad!

The next part of this process is to join the gym. I need to tone up and firm up some of these muscles so that I can get rid of my "front butt". I've said before to some people that I have two butts. One regular butt and one butt in the front where I used to have a stomach! I need to get that firmed up. It will NEVER be what it was without surgery. TOO many babies and WAY TOO much weight have stretched that skin out to the point that it will never go back to being smooth. It will always be flabby and saggy. However, it can be smaller. I need a smaller "front butt". I have a friend, Sharon, who has a blog called My Other Butt (you can click on that and see her blog). I was introduced to her blog by another mutual friend and was intrigued right away because I KNEW she knew what I was experiencing. Her "other butt" is almost gone! She had a lap band procedure and has done GREAT!

So I'm feeling really good about my decision to have the surgery! It has been a tremendous tool for me! I can sense my thoughts about food changing as well. I finally threw out cookies and goodies that we made over Christmas. I don't think that would have ever happened before...mostly because I would have felt the need to eat anything that was in my house.

I'm now in the next lowest 10's for weight. I have not seen these numbers since the birth of my 2nd daughter almost 24 years ago!

I haven't decided when I will tell what my starting weight was. Yesterday I saw the picture of me that they took on my initial consultation with the doctor in June. I didn't even recognize the girl in the photo. It kind of gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I did that all to myself. I can't dwell on the reasons why. I just have to keep moving forward and let go of all that.

Here's to another great week!

Do These Genes Make Me Look Fat

Got this pic from here: http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/

Update...I'm now down a total of 44 pounds since June and 28 pounds since my surgery 6 weeks ago. I am feeling pretty normal and am eating regular food. I'm not making perfect choices with food but it was Christmas and we baked too much. I'm not gorging myself though. I have had more baked goods than I should have. 

I was down to only 1 pair of pants fitting me and lots of tops are looking WAY too big and baggy on me. I had to go get a new pair of jeans. I didn't want to get too many because I know in another 4 weeks I will need a smaller size.

I went to try jeans on the other day at a couple of places. I grabbed a couple of different sizes, 18's and 20's and by accident grabbed a size 16. The first pair I tried on and got zipped and they looked awful and my fat rolls were totally obvious because it popped out the top! Talk about a muffin top! It was more like an inner tube over flowing my pants BUT not only did they go up my thighs but they actually fit over my hips AND zipped up!!! When I looked at the size it was a 16! I did a little happy dance in the dressing room knowing that in about 20 more pounds I will fit into it for real!

It took several places of trying on jeans...mostly because I can't see spending more than $20 on a pair of pants right now. I finally purchased one pair and came home a happy girl. I have some shirts that I need to get rid of as well as some other pants. I'll purge my closet tomorrow. It's almost time for a new black skirt because in another couple of weeks I won't have anything to wear to church. I'm solidly in a size 18/20 top but it has to be a women's size. They are cut fuller than a junior size 18.

Another 2.6 pounds and I'll be in the next lowest 10's for my weight. Again...some day I will confess my highest weight but I'm not ready to do that now.

Things I need to work on:

• Eating more protein.
• Writing down everything I eat during the day.
• Drinking more water.
• Taking my vitamins every day.

People who haven't seen me for a while are noticing how much I've lost and it feels great! Here's to a better week! Happy New Year...Happy New ME!