I'm A Thinker

My parents had a replica of Rodin's "Thinker" sculpture in their house when I was a kid. My dad made some alterations to it with "Liquid Paper" and gave him some underwear. I always thought it was pretty funny.

Anyway...I'm a thinker. I tend to have common sense when it comes to lots of things. However, I do not appear to have ANY common sense at all when it comes to food. I think about the food and I think about not eating it and sometimes I even push the thoughts out of my mind and move on to other things but most of the time when I think about food I find something to eat. It's a real problem.

As I've thought about addictions I've wondered if having an addiction to food could be treated the way an alcoholic is treated for their addiction or a drug addict is treated for their addiction. Granted, you don't HAVE to have alcohol or drugs to survive. You do HAVE to eat however! So having an addiction to food is BAD because you can't just say..."I will not eat today." and live a healthy life.

I had lunch today with someone who made me think about joining Overeaters Anonymous. I'm thinking about it. I am addicted to food. The way it tastes, smells, feels in my mouth, crunches, the saltiness, the sweetness, the chocolatey yummy goodness. I love it all. I eat when I am happy, sad, stressed, bored, satisfied, with friends, alone...pretty much any time.

Other than falling off the back of a pick up truck and having my jaw wired shut (I know a girl that this happened to and she got very thin very quickly) I think that Overeaters Anonymous may be something that might help me.

I've done Weight Watchers and know what to eat but I need to deal with the mental issues of why, how, where, what I eat. So...I'm thinking...

Let's Get Real

I haven't weighed in at Weight Watchers for about 6 weeks. I have been stepping on the scale at home and I haven't lost one single pound. In fact, I've gained a couple but have managed to get them off and I am back to where I was when I weighed in all those weeks ago. I NEED to go back to WW!

I also haven't tracked one bless-ed thing that I've put in my mouth. As I blog I have a bag of spice drops in front of me. How many points can they be? I don't even want to know. I think I'll be weighing in either tomorrow or Wednesday...I have a weird schedule this week thanks to a college daughter that will need a ride to work both days.

It's not that I don't want to lose weight. I want to. I'm wondering if I don't want it bad enough?! How can that be? I really want to buy beautiful clothes and feel better about myself. It's a new year and it can be a new me...right?! Ok...let's get real. I'm going back!

I have a goal to lose 10 pounds by Feb 15...that's 2 days after my 47th birthday. Here we go....

Sometimes it's good when nothing changes

Let me just say...last week was not good in the weight loss category of my life. I did not track ONE single item of food I ate. I don't think I ever opened up E-tools on the Weight Watcher website other than to record my weight.

I had a lot going on and just didn't want to face the music. When I knew I had partaken of too many chips or other little goodies, I just attempted to eat a light dinner. Honestly I had no delusions that I would see any loss this week and I fully expected to see a higher number today.

Typically, I go to the meeting at noon but I needed to get some things done and went to an earlier meeting instead. It was PACKED! There we were, a room full of fatties, used to be fatties and semi-fatties. I didn't even have to go into the meeting room to know it was full. While I was checking in I could hear all of the voices and sensed a packed house.

I checked in and hopped (well..seriously what fat person hops?...Ok I stepped gingerly on the scale...maybe gingerly isn't a good description either. Thin people can step gingerly) I stepped onto the scale wishing with all my might that I had lost weight.

In our Weight Watchers office they put the digital read out thing right there on the counter so that you can see it. I NEVER look over at anyone else's weight. It's like a secret Weight Watcher's code that you never look over at another person while they're standing on the scale. It would be like continuing to watch a person you had caught picking their nose. It would be an embarrassment to both of you if they caught you staring so you just keep your head facing your own read out.

Anyway...I could see the number and it was the SAME as last week! Whew! So I stepped off the scale and put my shoes on. Then the gal said, "Oh darn, can you step back up there." It was as if I hoped the number would have gone down another pound or two during those 30 seconds but alas, when I got back on the scale the number was still the same. So she made note of it and then started to hand me my book.

Her: "Congratulations...you reached 20 pounds lost!"
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yes, look."
Me: "Oh, I'm pretty sure you wrote that last number wrong, I believe it's a 7 and not a 1."
Her: "Well, I don't think so but step on the scale again."

At this point the other lady working there looked up and said, "Are you making a career out of it over there?"

"Yeah right...I love the scale!"...thoughts in my mind...for once my filter kicked in and I didn't say what I was thinking!.

So of course I was right but for a brief second I hoped.

Me: "I knew it couldn't be right because I never tracked one single thing and I just knew that it would take an act of God for that scale to have shown a loss."

I am happy to have stayed the same. If there is one thing I learned this week it's that you can't possibly keep track of all you're eating if you don't write it down. I also learned that when I eat junk I have to remember that I have less real food to eat and I don't feel as good.

Here's to a better week, tracking and all.

Keep On Keepin' On

After gaining .2 pounds last week and overcoming the mental challenge of being a "gainer" and not a "loser" I lost another 3.8 pounds this last week for a grand total of 15.4 pounds! I'm excited.

I'm able to wear some of the clothes I bought last year after I'd lost 30 pounds (between Weight Watchers and being sick) and am looking better in some of my other clothes.

When I think about the fact that I've lost the equivalent of 3 sacks of flour it really boggles my mind!

I'm still tracking on Weight Watchers e-tools and enjoying food. Last week I took a friend to lunch. I made the mistake of not knowing where we were going to eat, it was her birthday so I let her choose.

She chose Olive Garden. Don't chose Olive Garden if you're on a diet. There isn't too much to choose from there. You can have pasta e fagioli soup, and a bread stick for like 4 points but one serving of their salad is 9 points! WHAT?! For real!

Anyway...we were celebrating. I had salad, one bread stick and pasta e fagioli soup, so not too awful but then we shared an appetizer of fried lasagna things. That sucker had 13 points just for my half and then we shared dessert which was another 8 points or something. My exact point count for that one meal was 26 points! WHOA!

I didn't eat dinner that night, I wasn't hungry. Who would be?!

I did eat things I wanted to and tracked and made good choices for the most part. I still want chocolate and do eat it now and then and as long as I don't feel deprived I'm good.

I'm backin up....

If you haven't seen this video it's worth the laugh...I thought of this gal when I got on the scale and I had gained .2 pounds this last week. I wish I could find the original news footage so you could see her description of the robbery she witnessed. The song is pretty funny so enjoy.



ANYWAY.....

Back to the weight loss thing...oh yeah, that's what this blog is about.

This last week I tracked but I ate every single point allotted to me and into the weekly points and activity points. I did go to Zumba twice and walked but I was SO snacky! I don't know why. I didn't make the best choices for snacks and I found myself grabbing little nibbles of things here and there. I think the biggest mistake for me was purchasing a bag of peanut M&M's. Not the smartest thing I did all week. I totally thought I could count out 17 of those suckers to myself and I did...the first 3 times and then a few days later I polished them off over the course of a day. I ate 26 points of M&M's that day! CRAZY! INSANITY!

I don't know why I get that way...when all I want to do is just snack and chew and taste the food and hear the crunch. Someone needs to study that. I swear if they could make a chocolate flavored gum that would crunch the way a nut does I'd be SOOO good.

I wasn't surprised that I'd gained and was glad that it was only .2 pounds. I can get it off and lose more this week. I did get out an old Weight Watcher's book and saw that I had lost 24 pounds last year before my "Mystery Illness" set in so I know I can do that and more.

On the plus side...not plus size...but I'm still plus sized, I did get into a pair of jeans that I had gotten last year when I had lost the 24 pounds so that did make me feel better. I got into them and then I sat in them and it wasn't pretty so I took them off. But they did go on and zip up without effort...no writhing on the floor or laying on the bed to get the zipper up. I've literally seen skinny girls do that in a dressing room...it wasn't pretty to watch that even though they were thin.

Here's to this week!

ZUMBA!!!!

I'm taking a free Zumba class. It's tons of fun! Try it...you'll like it. Gotta love Shakira too!

Oh Happy Day

I'm a happy girl! I should have blogged Tuesday or yesterday but I've been busy. It's a good busy though.

Went to Weight Watchers on Tuesday. Another week had gone by...I ate every single point allotted to me and then ate into my Activity points. I was nervous. I thought for sure I'd have stayed the same. I didn't really think I'd gained but I wasn't sure what the scale at Weight Watchers would say. I had walked, worked out to Richard Simmons in my living room and had done a real good job at tracking!

Again, I put on the same outfit. Black capri work out pants, gray workout shirt, flip flops...they're easier to get off than regular shoes. I stepped on the scale and lost another 1.6 pounds for a total of 11.8 in 5 weeks! I'm feeling good and I'm not feeling deprived.

Deprivation is a bad thing for me when it comes to food. As soon as I have the feeling that I "can't" have something or if I think that I won't get to eat something I will have a desire to eat only that....in huge quantities.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went to dinner with some friends. We ate at a Mexican restaurant. They brought chips, salsa, a sour cream dip thing for the chips that is to D.I.E. for! One of the girls in the group is a young mom of 2 children. She is an avid runner, loves to bike and do other exercises. That girl ate more than I did! As I sat there it dawned on me....yet again...that skinny people don't deprive themselves of food.

They really don't. Skinny people eat what they want but then they do things I haven't done...they exercise, they stop eating when they're full, they don't eat that way all the time! As I watched my friend eat her dinner I thought "It's OK if you have some chips and salsa as long as you don't go crazy and as long as you account for your points."

I still have "red light" foods. Nuts are a big red light food for me. So are chips. I've learned to purchase smaller quantities and buy baked versions of my favorite chips. I am learning how to eat less and have even had a pan of brownies in my house so long that they've gone stale! Amazing.

I don't feel deprived at all. Last week I made an apple pie. I ate a nice healthy slice too. I tracked it. One night after I hadn't really had too many points during the day I ate 3 slices of cheese pizza. Tracked that too and still lost 1.6 this week.