What is an eating disorder?

According to the National Eating Disorders Association (click on the name to go to the site) an eating disorder is when you have one or more of these issues...Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating or Bulimia Nervosa.

Why am I blogging about this on my weight loss blog? Well, this morning I watched Good Morning America. They featured a woman who was pregnant who compulsively exercised and was obsessive about how much weight she gained not only when she was pregnant but at other times in her life as well.

As the segment finished up I found myself really MAD! They classified this woman as having an eating disorder and I wondered why it was that people felt badly for her and were, what I believe is, abnormally concerned for her!

Here's my issue... Why is it that they won't just tell a person who is thin and has issues with eating/not-eating that they should just go eat a freaking sandwich!!! I mean what do they tell overweight people??!!!! To STOP eating a freaking sandwich!!! No one ever tells an overweight person that there is something in their brain that makes them that way!

About 5 years ago I called my insurance company at the time to see if they would cover gastric bypass surgery. I was told they would not. As I thought about it I decided to call back with another question. "Will you cover treatment for anorexia?" I was put on hold while the person checked my plan and was eventually told that if I was seeking treatment for the problem as an outpatient than the treatment would be covered. I was LIVID. I launched into a tirade, to someone who really couldn't do anything, about how unfair it was and that they were discriminating against fat people!

I'm no expert but I would venture to say that overweight people have MORE health related issues than a person who vomits on purpose or who doesn't eat enough!

Why is it that people fall over themselves trying to "help" a person who refuses to eat but we look at a person who overeats as merely being out of control? Is a thin person who REFUSES to eat, or throws up NOT out of control????

I say...GET A GRIP! If you're not going to treat overweight people with the same commitment that you will an anorexic person YOU ARE DISCRIMINATING!

What does a pound of fat look like anyway?

This is what a pound of fat looks like.



I went to Weight Watchers today after spending the morning in my son's classroom cutting 1 1/2 inch strips of green construction paper for some Christmas project they're going to do. I was too late for the meeting but I decided that I should at least go and weigh in.

Once again, I spent the week NOT tracking. Not even posting my weight gain from last week or ever tracking one thing I put in my mouth for the week. I don't know why I've developed such an aversion to tracking all of a sudden. That's another blog post.

I was totally prepared to step on the scale and not see any loss but to my "shock and awe" I lost one pound. At first I was like..."Well, that stinks!" but then I thought, "Well it's one pound less than I weighed last week and at least it's something."

After the day was almost over I decided to Google an image for a pound of fat and found the photo that I posted here. I'm actually impressed by what it looks like. It's gross looking but it looks more substantial than just saying, "I lost one pound."

Black Friday

It's Black Friday. Today used to be the day that retailers nationwide would recover from any slumps they had during the year and be "back in the black" as far as their profit margins. In the past I've done my part to help this happen but in recent years haven't really gotten up early to fight the crowds. This morning was a little different.

This morning at 2:25 a.m. I got up out of my warm bed after sleeping for only 3.5 hours. My daughter and I got up to go to Old Navy which was opening at 3 a.m. I knew I would not be the first person in line, nor did I want to be. All I wanted was a frost free coat for my son that was on sale for $15. I didn't even care about anything else.

We got to the store around 2:55 and the doors opened and within about 10 minutes we were inside and I bolted for the boys' section. I grabbed 3 different coats in his size and pushed my way through the crowd to find my daughter to ask her which one she thought I should purchase. We chose a simple black jacket and shopped for a couple of more things and got in line. The line went in front of the registers down to the back of the store, across the back of the store and then back down towards the front. We stood in line for about 45 minutes but I got my son his coat!

We got home around 5 and I went back to bed. I really wanted to sleep in but I was also determined to go and weigh in at Weight Watchers today.

As for Weight Watchers and Black Friday.... I knew I should go even though I had no idea how I would do. I could be "in the black" and be up or I could be "in the red" and losing. Unfortunately I was "in the black". Up 2 pounds. I will attribute some of that to the fact that I wore heavier clothing since it was really cold today, that thanks to mother nature I'm experiencing "feminine issues" and mostly to the fact that I haven't even signed on to WW to enter my points for the last 2 weeks. How pathetic is that?


I KNOW that I can't keep track of the points mentally in my head. I also know I can't keep track of my checkbook in my brain and yet I never write anything down in the register and am constantly "surprised" at how much money I've really spent. Well...I wasn't really surprised at the fact that I'd gained weight....again.

Why can't I just write it down??? If you snack it...track it!!! This week will be better.

I am proud of myself though for even going to weigh in today. Of all the people in my group I was the only one who weighed in today. Although I couldn't stay for the meeting the leader congratulated me for coming in and being accountable.

I think I need a specific goal for the week. Any suggestions before I really start out the weekend?

Where have I been?

Ok...so I didn't get to WW on Friday like I should have. It's not that I was afraid to weigh in...I had to go to school and help with my son's Thanksgiving Feast! (I think I might have lost a pound last week.)

Let's talk about Thanksgiving for a minute shall we? Remember when you were a kid and you got together with family and friends and you couldn't sit at the table with the adults? Where did you sit? You had to sit at the "kid's table".

The kid's table was fine when you were small but it was torture when you were 11 or 12. By then you wanted to sit at the regular table where you could serve yourself and cut your own food. More importantly as an adult...you could get your own dessert!

Let's be honest! I LOVE dessert. Pie, cookies, cake, candies, anything sweet. I think it's in my DNA...my dad was a total sweet lover, my grandmothers both loved sweets too. My dad's mother used to make a couple of things that I loved for some reason. Thinking back on it I have to wonder why this was her choice of "poison"...she would get the heal of a nice crusty French bread, dig out the light fluffy bread in the center and put olive oil and sugar in the bottom of it. I LOVED eating that.


The other thing she taught me to eat was bread dipped in Carnation sweetened condensed milk. Even as I type this I get a craving for it! I haven't eaten it in years but I can seriously taste it! It sounds gross but to me it was divine!

Anyway...at our last WW meeting we talked about how to make our Thanksgivings less about food and more about family. I remember one year doing Christmas crafts as a group. It was nice because we sat around the table and talked and created. It was bliss. Someone else had a great idea which I think I appreciate now because my dad passed away 16 years ago. She said that each one of the kids got to ask a member of the family about any interesting events or memories that happened to them at the same age as the child asking the question. (Does that make sense to you?) The child interviewed the person and wrote it down and then presented it to the rest of the family.

I don't know what we'll do this year as a tradition to make it less about food and more about family. If you have any ideas feel free to comment.

I am glad that I won't be sitting at the children's table though because I plan on serving myself dessert. It will be a rough day since I have to weigh in the day after Thanksgiving....we better eat early!

I was a Puff Momma!

Ok...so last week when I weighed in at WW I had a 4 pound gain. This was after flying 36 hours prior to weighing in. Supposedly flying can make you retain water. It has something to do with the cabin pressure and the lack of movement. I was willing to grasp that straw because I knew I'd eaten more junk than I should have but I honestly didn't feel like I'd gone crazy. I was, however, willing to accept my fate because I didn't track AT ALL while I was gone.

So I prayed for a loss this week of at least the 4 pounds I'd gained the week prior. Along with praying I went back on a diuretic that my doctor had prescribed a while ago. I'd been off of them for a while but with the gain and the fact that my legs, hands, feet and face were showing signs of swelling due to water retention I took the pills.

And so yesterday I made my way to WW. I got there, shed my sweater and shoes and stepped up onto the scale. I tried not to look at Adrienne while she recorded my weight and then looked at me with delight in her eyes and said...."You're down 5.8!" I swear angels were singing!

So I managed to get the 4 pounds off as well as another 1.8. Success! I am happy this weekend.

Is today my lucky day?

I've had enough 'bad luck' in the last month that I'm hoping that the Unlucky Finger of Friday the 13th is not pointing at me today.

I weigh in today at 11:15. On weigh in days I don't eat until after I am done at the meeting. I'm usually STARVING by then but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for every stinking ounce!

I got on the scale this morning...like I do most mornings. I've been back on my water pill this week. Why must my body work against me so? I don't get it. I just wanna say to my brain, my stomach, virtually every part of me..."WORK WITH ME WILL YA?!"

Anyway...I weigh naked, as unsightly a picture as it is. I have my back to the mirror so I don't have to actually witness my own nakedness too often. I got on the scale this morning and compared to what I weighed at home last week it is 7 pounds less.

Now...I'm not going to get my hopes up for weighing in at WW on their scale with my clothes on. I know I've lost. I can feel it. The question is how much. We soon shall see.

I've always liked the number 13...after all it's the day of my birth...we'll see if it's lucky or not.

Two weeks and 4 pounds

I have to laugh at this picture because I posted it and then realized that it's a man in a woman's shirt! BAH! And I thought I was pathetic!

I almost cried at Weight Watchers on Friday. I knew I hadn't lost weight but I was totally unprepared to find out that I'd gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks!

While I was gone I did not journal or keep track of my food AT ALL. When someone dies they bring in food and tons of it. I didn't really think I'd gone crazy but I guess the 4 slices of pecan pie, the cookies and the delicious home made dinners that were brought in just went straight to my hips.

Since I've been back I've noticed that my feet and hands are also swelling like crazy. We were out today walking and visiting some shops and my hands got so swollen that I thought my rings would cut off the circulation! Time to drink more, flush this out of my system and get back onto my water pill. Maybe that will help as well.

I was so depressed after weighing in that I went to Target to look for one of my favorite things at Christmas time....peppermint Tootsie-Rolls. They didn't have any so I bought a bag of Halloween peanut M&M's which were on sale. I managed to eat the ENTIRE bag throughout the day. Do you know how many points that is????!!! 41.5 points!!! How sick is that?

How much sense does it make to gain 4 pounds and drown your sorrow in a bag of M&M's? It makes no sense. Why do I do this? I don't know. I'm trying to figure out my brain and my relationship with food. This is a process.

Today I did much better. I tracked my points and went for a good walk. I gotta get off the 4 pounds and wrap my brain around the need to lose weight.

Sheesh!!!

After 6 days away I'm finally home. The scale is and isn't my friend. Honestly I haven't gained any weight but I haven't lost either!

I will weigh in tomorrow and I missed last Friday's weigh in. It's likely that I haven't lost anything since my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Sheesh! I need to get my brain back in gear. So much for a better week!

Leavin' on a jet plane

So I'm going to visit a very hot state for a sad reason but I'm secretly happy that I won't be weighing in tomorrow at WW.

Not only has this been a crappy food week for me...poor choices all around as well as not tracking AT ALL...but thanks to mother nature I'm also experiencing feminine issues. So, next Friday will be a weigh in and a better week.

At least I don't have to stand in front of someone who will lean in slightly over the desk and whisper, "You're up a bit."

Next week I'm pulling out all the stops!

Just for the record....

I should not have done this family activity last night....


They're too delicious and I should have sent them all to school with my child.

Sticking with the Fairy Tale Theme

Actually it's an Aesop's Fable.

Apparently slow and steady wins the race. I have had to keep repeating that to myself this afternoon.

Today I got on the scale and showed a 1.2 lb loss. I swear it would have been a little more but instead of my light summer Capri pants and summer blouse, I wore sweat pants and a short sleeved shirt. I did take off my socks...pathetic...they weigh what... an ounce? But every stinkin' ounce counts people!!!

Isn't that something skinny people just don't think about? Their brains are totally different when it comes to the scale. I'm standing there in the reception area of Weight Watchers taking off my jacket, my shoes and then my socks. If I could have taken off my bra and thought I'd get another ounce off I might have done that if it wouldn't have been so totally awkward for the rest of the people standing there.

Maybe they need to have a little room where you could actually take off all your clothes and weigh naked like I do in the morning. Oh and when I weigh, I have to make sure that I haven't had breakfast or even a drink of water, that I've used the restroom and emptied my bladder and if the planets align my bowels too. That's too much 411 for you isn't it? Sorry but I guess you don't have to read this blog to begin with so...

Anyway...honestly I was a little disappointed. Earlier in the year I was seeing losses of 4 pounds, 6 pounds, 3 pounds per week. It helped me stay more motivated. But then I was working and I wasn't home with all the food surrounding me.

I still need to make better food choices. I am a total carbaholic...I love breads, cookies, granola bars, stuff like that. Even the Weight Watcher stuff that I've gotten is mostly sweet. So even though I'm only having a 1 point caramel and chocolate bar it's still not the best choice. I think maybe this week I'll make my food like I did when I was working. Pack a lunch and put it in the refrigerator.

I got some B-12 today at Target. I hear it helps your metabolism. Anything to help at this point.

Next week's goals...
1. Do better at tracking my food.
2. Make better choices on filling foods like fruits and vegetables.
3. Meet Richard Simmons in my living room at least 4 times during the week.
4. Drink all the water I can stand.

Onward and downward, I would have said onward and upward but that's not really my goal!

I hope to see less of me next week!

This will sound pathetic...and it just might be.

Yesterday on the local morning show I caught a glimpse of Janis Ian. I wouldn't have remembered the name but I totally remembered the song when they played part of it to introduce her.

AT SEVENTEEN (click here to find a link on playlist.com to hear the song)
(Janis Ian)

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say – come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
whose name I never could pronounce
said – Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve
The rich relationed hometown queen
marries into what she needs
with a guarantee of company
and haven for the elderly

Remember those who win the game
lose the love they sought to gain
in debentures of quality and dubious integrity
Their small-town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
of valentines that never came
and those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me

We all play the game, and when we dare
we cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
that call and say – Come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
at ugly girls like me, at seventeen



I was 11 when the song was released and I remember hearing it on the radio when I was in high school and I will admit that I felt much like the girl in the song then.

When I was in elementary school on Valentines Day you would bring Valentines for the people you wanted to bring them for. You didn't have to bring one for EVERYONE like you do now. I remember girls and boys getting tons and tons of them and I would get maybe one or two. I always hated Valentines day because of that.

When we played dodge ball or any other sport I was ALWAYS picked last. I knew that I'd get picked last but as a kid I'd stand there waving my arm yelling 'pick me pick me'. It never happened. It sucked being the last kid picked.

In high school I never had a date, never had a boyfriend, never went to prom (even though I was on the Jr/Sr Prom committee). Instead there were "reject" parties for those who had no dates. How pathetic!

I wondered if this song was written about me!

My best friend in high school was a cheerleader. She was about 5' 4" and small and I think she wore as size 7 shoe. I was 5'7" and wore a size 10 shoe and not small. I compared myself to her and to all of the other very tiny girls in our high school. I wasn't a shy person and I thought of myself as fun and fun to be around.

I was in Pep Club, I won the senior class vote for Best Actress, I had friends, I had the respect of my teachers and peers. However inside I never quite felt like I was as good as my other girlfriends who were thin. They could shop in the old store called 5,7,9...I always wished I could shop there but not even my feet were small enough to shop there!

It's too bad that during my youth I didn't understand how kids can be or how much our self image is distorted when we have no real perspective in life.

Now here I am, 45 and struggling to lose weight...AGAIN.

I re-read the story of the Ugly Duckling by Hans Christian Andersen today. Here is the link...

The Ugly Duckling

I relate to this little "duck"... "And so they made themselves comfortable; but the poor duckling, who had crept out of his shell last of all, and looked so ugly, was bitten and pushed and made fun of, not only by the ducks, but by all the poultry. “He is too big,” they all said,..."

In the end the Ugly Duckling is determined to let the majestic swans kill him to put him out of his misery. He stands near the waters edge and says, “I will fly to those royal birds,” he exclaimed, “and they will kill me, because I am so ugly, and dare to approach them; but it does not matter: better be killed by them than pecked by the ducks, beaten by the hens, pushed about by the maiden who feeds the poultry, or starved with hunger in the winter.”

But here is what happens...

Then he flew to the water, and swam towards the beautiful swans. The moment they espied the stranger, they rushed to meet him with outstretched wings.

Kill me,” said the poor bird; and he bent his head down to the surface of the water, and awaited death.

But what did he see in the clear stream below? His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan. ...He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.

I hope to take a lesson from the Ugly Duckling...I need to enjoy the pleasure and happiness around me. I need to understand the potential that is in me to become what I hope to be.

Baby Steps

Tonight I went for a 30 minute walk with my husband while our son rode his bike. It was crisp and cool and refreshing. I could feel the "burn" in my legs.

Then after my son was in bed we laid in our own bed to watch some TV. The worst channel for a person on a diet to watch is the Food Network...tonight it was Diners Drive-In's and Dives. It makes me salivate just to watch the food being cooked.

Weekends

They're so hard for me food wise! They're just less structured and we have a tendency to go and do stuff! I haven't really thought about food over the weekend other than to think..."maybe you shouldn't eat that" but I did anyway!

Today...back on plan!

Progress: the act of moving forward (as toward a goal)

Today I weighed in at Weight Watchers. I lost 4/10's of a pound. Not even half a pound. Just .4!

I had to remind myself that although I didn't drop the number I hoped for that I am making progress with each little mole hill climbed. I'm sure that the extra pieces of bread dipped in dipping oils this week didn't help, nor did my trip to the "Autumn Butters" class I went to last night.

So my total weight loss for 4 weeks is 6 pounds. Onward and upward and I'm sure I need to do more sweating and less nibbling.

Tomorrow

I'm hoping I can lose another pound in my sleep tonight. I just don't know how good a week this has been as far as weight loss. I have to keep in mind that it's not just about the numbers moving. It's about being healthier and more fit.

Sweatin' to the Oldies

I just finished doing my first workout with Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies video. It's not my very first workout to the video EVER...just this time around trying to lose weight.

Initially I started doing the workouts back in 1995. I had seen him a long time before that on General Hospital and as quirky as he is I liked his personality.

Anyway...I was going to workout yesterday but the VHS tape that I had from "way back when" has disappeared but luckily my daughter has the 20th Anniversary DVD and she gave it to me last night.

As I moved to the familiar routines my mind flooded with thoughts. I remembered how I LOVED my Social Dance class in college, how I'd rather do this than walk on a treadmill. I thought of how the last time I really did the workouts I had a mirror in front of me. It wasn't a pretty sight seeing all of this flesh moving around to music but I will NEVER forget the one time I looked in the mirror and could actually see that my body was changing! It was glorious. It reminded me that I need to jot down my measurements so that on weeks that I might not lose I might at least see progress in my body shape.

Over the years I've tried lots of different things, Jazzercize, Zumba, gym memberships and truth be told I'd rather be at the YMCA but it's too far from where I currently live. So today I'm exercising in my living room with the blinds closed. No one should have to look in here and see this even by accident!

Today I made myself laugh out loud during the routine as I reached and danced and felt muscles that I haven't felt for a while. Remember the movie "Ruthless People" with Bette Midler, Danny DeVito, Judge Reinhold and Helen Slater? (1986)


I thought of Bette Midler's character, Barbara Stone, being chained to a bed and exercising by herself in the basement where she is being held for ransom. I'm not a prisoner in my house but I kind of felt like her for a brief moment!

I've actually met Richard Simmons. I met him back in 2002 when I joined "Get Healthy Pensacola". He came to the Bay Front Auditorium (which is gone) and did a giant class. My boss, who was and still is VERY thin, and her mother in law came with me. I was determined to be on the stage and exercise with him! And we did!!! Afterwards, I got to meet him personally. I found him to be a kind and genuine man.

So...thanks Richard for the workout and thanks Bette for making me laugh at myself.

Does anyone else do this?

I want to weigh myself this morning but not before I've eaten and after I've used the restroom. Every ounce counts right?

Dinner

I recovered from not eating lunch earlier in the day and did make myself sit at 2:00 and eat a salad and a lean cuisine BBQ Chicken Pizza! It was fabulous!

Tonight for dinner I made my Award Winning Turkey Chili, each serving has about 4 WW points so I'm still ok. I can even add some toppings if I want.

Here is the recipe.


1 to 1 1/4 pounds ground turkey
1 can (16 oz) kidney or pinto beans, undrained
1 can (16 oz) stewed tomatoes
1 can (6 oz) tomato paste
2 Tablespoons each...chili powder and dried onion
1/2 teaspoon each...garlic powder, oregano, cumin, paprika, black pepper and salt.

Spray large saucepan or Dutch oven with non-stick cooking spray. Heat over medium high about 30 seconds.

Crumble ground turkey into saucepan. Cook and stir 3 to 5 minutes or until lightly browned.

Add remaining ingredients plus 1 1/2 to 2 Cups water, stir thoroughly. Cook on medium-high heat *15-30 minutes.

Top with sour cream, shredded cheese, green chilis, onions, black olives if desired.

Oh PS...I really did win a prize for this at a chili cook off! It's not really very spicy but you can add more spice if you like.

I estimated that this recipe makes 6 servings which would calculate into 4 Weight Watchers points per serving as long as you omit the toppings.

**I also double the amount of beans because I like beans.
*I typically cook mine for at least an hour on LOW so that the flavors really mix together.

After dinner I will still have 7 points left for the day but I probably won't use them since I ate like a fiend over the weekend without tracking my points!

Lunch

Why do I have the hardest time actually sitting down for lunch? It's almost 2 and now I'm past the point of hungry. Why do I do this to myself? I want to graze but I only want to graze on bad stuff.

I did exercise today so that's a plus.

I'm sorry but I just can't relate to you Valerie Bertinelli

Ok...I'm not trying to diminish any one's weight loss here so let's just get that straight. She was on Good Morning America this morning and part 2 is on tomorrow so she's on my mind today.

Here are the statistics for Valerie. She is 5'2" tall, well really 5'2" short. Her starting weight before Jenny Craig was 172. First of all, I'm jealous that she has a "1" in the beginning of her weight. Her BMI was 31.5 prior to the weight loss, obese according to the BMI chart.

What I see in the above picture on the right is a voluptuous woman. She's curvy yes and I'm sure she doesn't have washboard abs but she's still gorgeous and sexy.

Although she did lose weight and was obese according to the BMI charts, I still think that's a crock to call her obese, her issues are different from a person of my size.

First of all...I think she could still have shopped for clothes at a normal size clothing store. She didn't have to go to Harry's Hefty Hideaway for her clothing. My guess is that she probably never wore anything more than a size 18. That may be large for a small person I understand that. But until you've gone into the size 22/24 range or heaven forbid the 26/28 range you DON'T know what it means to not find clothes! And there are larger sized women out there people! Their choices are even more limited!

I blogged about this once before on my private blog but for those who have not had the privilege of seeing that let me re-address the issue minus the photos.

It's a HUGE beef, ok probably a poor description for a person on a diet, of mine that a plus sized woman has such difficulty finding clothes that actually fit. That's one of my main motivations for trying to lose weight.

I'll accept having to wear a size 16 or 18 or even a 20 because you can actually purchase those sizes in regular stores. You don't have to search high and low for the TWO racks of plus sized clothes in stores like that. AND you don't have to purchase clothes from places called "More to Love"! That's a real place!

Have you ever looked around in Target? Do you see ALL the clothes for normal sized women in there? I mean seriously it's like half the store. Then there are MAYBE 4 racks of clothes in the "Women's" section. The clothes that they do have there are just larger sizes in the styles that they offer for the regular sized woman.

There are a couple of problems with that. I don't really WANT to look pregnant or fatter because the style for the time being is empire waisted shirts, I don't WANT to show off my fat arms with cap sleeves and I really don't WANT a banded shirt at the bottom to hug around the fattest part of my body. I wonder if Mossimo has ever tried his clothes on a person who was over a size 14, had more flesh around their middle than he has on his entire body or whose arms are the size of small toddlers!

Please everyone...size 14 is not plus sized! A size 14 person does not have the same issues as a person who wears a size 22/24!!!! Get a grip! Try your stuff on me! I'll come in and you can try and figure out how to fit your clothes on a real Plus Size Woman!

Ok...I just had to get that off my chest.

I'm happy for you Valerie but really, did it kill you that much to wear a fattie size 16 or 18? Are you feeling THAT much better wearing a size 2/4??? You're like the size of my thigh!

I'm sure you are feeling great and like you've climbed Everest but I just can't relate to you...on so many levels other than the weight loss.

I want to see Jenny Craig take someone really large and show them off as their poster child for weight loss. Heck, I'd even volunteer!

Congratulations Valerie. Now I'm going to go and join Richard Simmons in my living room to Sweat to the Oldies!

Before and After

One thing you realize when you're overweight is that if you allow anyone to take a "full body" shot of you, you're going to regret it. They don't even really warn you that you need to straighten up, turn this way or that or suck it in a little. It would be rude actually so you pretty much insist that people photograph you from the shoulder up!

This is as close to a before picture as you're gonna get. I'm sure I'm sucking it in by the way. This is earlier this year before we went to the Billy Joel/Elton John Concert. I'd lost about 10 pounds by then. The great pattern on the shirt hides MANY flaws!



And this....THIS is what I would love to be someday! It will take A LOT of weight loss and several surgeries so I doubt that I'll be this....but if I ever do...I'm getting a dress just like that and having my picture taken!

Genesis of This Blog

I'm a 45 year old woman on a quest to lose weight and become a thinner, healthier version of who I am now.

I'm basically satisfied with who I am as a person. I have other areas to improve on for sure but for now this blog is about my struggle to become thin, well...honestly, just less heavy.

The reality in my brain right now is that I will never be thin. Thin was me when I left for college at a size 10. The thinnest I've ever been. For now I'd just be happy for my weight to start with a "1"!!

Not even my husband knows exactly how much I weigh. Honestly, I don't think he'd really care what the number is. He's a good guy. He has never made my weight an issue in our marriage, never been embarrassed to be seen with the fattest girl at the party, never suggested a diet, purchased a diet aide for me or anything like that. It's been a non-issue. Bless his soul!

So why the title..."Wake Me Up When I'm Thin"? I often say that I feel like I went to bed thin one night and then woke up in this alien body. I got pregnant 4 months after getting married and I was a healthy, fit 170 pounds when I married. (I'm 5'7" tall and have a large frame. Although some might say that my 170 pounds was overweight...now 27 years later...I'm thinking it's pretty svelt!) Over the next 9 months I don't think I realized what was really happening to me to my body.

The reality didn't hit me until 2 days after I gave birth, traumatically by c-section at the age of 21, when I stood up for the first time and looked in the mirror. My stomach, which had never been a flat six-pack type belly, had basically turned into a flap hammock! I probably could have used it as a baby sling like women carry their babies in now over their shoulder. I probably could have even pulled it up that far. Stretch marks? Oh baby...you could draw the entire U.S. Highway system on my stomach. You wanna know the best route to get from Florida to Washington state...step over here and I'll show you!

Three more full term pregnancies and too many other stresses and calories to count and I'm now the "me" I've become.

So the title comes because in my heart of hearts if I could go to sleep fat and wake up thin that would be the greatest miracle since the parting of the Red Sea. Since that's not likely to happen and since I've got to make an effort...bleh to that...I have decided to blog. I am hoping that it helps me and perhaps maybe another person.

I'm sure there will be good days and bad days as I struggle through this journey. It will be a struggle...I love food. When I hear people talk about managing your hunger I think to myself..."no one could possibly be THIS hungry!"

My course of action...Weight Watchers and exercise.

So far today's been a good day. I've likely eaten all of my flex points since I weighed in last Friday but I'm determined to keep it under control for the rest of the week. Wish me luck.