Sometimes it's good when nothing changes

Let me just say...last week was not good in the weight loss category of my life. I did not track ONE single item of food I ate. I don't think I ever opened up E-tools on the Weight Watcher website other than to record my weight.

I had a lot going on and just didn't want to face the music. When I knew I had partaken of too many chips or other little goodies, I just attempted to eat a light dinner. Honestly I had no delusions that I would see any loss this week and I fully expected to see a higher number today.

Typically, I go to the meeting at noon but I needed to get some things done and went to an earlier meeting instead. It was PACKED! There we were, a room full of fatties, used to be fatties and semi-fatties. I didn't even have to go into the meeting room to know it was full. While I was checking in I could hear all of the voices and sensed a packed house.

I checked in and hopped (well..seriously what fat person hops?...Ok I stepped gingerly on the scale...maybe gingerly isn't a good description either. Thin people can step gingerly) I stepped onto the scale wishing with all my might that I had lost weight.

In our Weight Watchers office they put the digital read out thing right there on the counter so that you can see it. I NEVER look over at anyone else's weight. It's like a secret Weight Watcher's code that you never look over at another person while they're standing on the scale. It would be like continuing to watch a person you had caught picking their nose. It would be an embarrassment to both of you if they caught you staring so you just keep your head facing your own read out.

Anyway...I could see the number and it was the SAME as last week! Whew! So I stepped off the scale and put my shoes on. Then the gal said, "Oh darn, can you step back up there." It was as if I hoped the number would have gone down another pound or two during those 30 seconds but alas, when I got back on the scale the number was still the same. So she made note of it and then started to hand me my book.

Her: "Congratulations...you reached 20 pounds lost!"
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yes, look."
Me: "Oh, I'm pretty sure you wrote that last number wrong, I believe it's a 7 and not a 1."
Her: "Well, I don't think so but step on the scale again."

At this point the other lady working there looked up and said, "Are you making a career out of it over there?"

"Yeah right...I love the scale!"...thoughts in my mind...for once my filter kicked in and I didn't say what I was thinking!.

So of course I was right but for a brief second I hoped.

Me: "I knew it couldn't be right because I never tracked one single thing and I just knew that it would take an act of God for that scale to have shown a loss."

I am happy to have stayed the same. If there is one thing I learned this week it's that you can't possibly keep track of all you're eating if you don't write it down. I also learned that when I eat junk I have to remember that I have less real food to eat and I don't feel as good.

Here's to a better week, tracking and all.

Keep On Keepin' On

After gaining .2 pounds last week and overcoming the mental challenge of being a "gainer" and not a "loser" I lost another 3.8 pounds this last week for a grand total of 15.4 pounds! I'm excited.

I'm able to wear some of the clothes I bought last year after I'd lost 30 pounds (between Weight Watchers and being sick) and am looking better in some of my other clothes.

When I think about the fact that I've lost the equivalent of 3 sacks of flour it really boggles my mind!

I'm still tracking on Weight Watchers e-tools and enjoying food. Last week I took a friend to lunch. I made the mistake of not knowing where we were going to eat, it was her birthday so I let her choose.

She chose Olive Garden. Don't chose Olive Garden if you're on a diet. There isn't too much to choose from there. You can have pasta e fagioli soup, and a bread stick for like 4 points but one serving of their salad is 9 points! WHAT?! For real!

Anyway...we were celebrating. I had salad, one bread stick and pasta e fagioli soup, so not too awful but then we shared an appetizer of fried lasagna things. That sucker had 13 points just for my half and then we shared dessert which was another 8 points or something. My exact point count for that one meal was 26 points! WHOA!

I didn't eat dinner that night, I wasn't hungry. Who would be?!

I did eat things I wanted to and tracked and made good choices for the most part. I still want chocolate and do eat it now and then and as long as I don't feel deprived I'm good.

I'm backin up....

If you haven't seen this video it's worth the laugh...I thought of this gal when I got on the scale and I had gained .2 pounds this last week. I wish I could find the original news footage so you could see her description of the robbery she witnessed. The song is pretty funny so enjoy.



ANYWAY.....

Back to the weight loss thing...oh yeah, that's what this blog is about.

This last week I tracked but I ate every single point allotted to me and into the weekly points and activity points. I did go to Zumba twice and walked but I was SO snacky! I don't know why. I didn't make the best choices for snacks and I found myself grabbing little nibbles of things here and there. I think the biggest mistake for me was purchasing a bag of peanut M&M's. Not the smartest thing I did all week. I totally thought I could count out 17 of those suckers to myself and I did...the first 3 times and then a few days later I polished them off over the course of a day. I ate 26 points of M&M's that day! CRAZY! INSANITY!

I don't know why I get that way...when all I want to do is just snack and chew and taste the food and hear the crunch. Someone needs to study that. I swear if they could make a chocolate flavored gum that would crunch the way a nut does I'd be SOOO good.

I wasn't surprised that I'd gained and was glad that it was only .2 pounds. I can get it off and lose more this week. I did get out an old Weight Watcher's book and saw that I had lost 24 pounds last year before my "Mystery Illness" set in so I know I can do that and more.

On the plus side...not plus size...but I'm still plus sized, I did get into a pair of jeans that I had gotten last year when I had lost the 24 pounds so that did make me feel better. I got into them and then I sat in them and it wasn't pretty so I took them off. But they did go on and zip up without effort...no writhing on the floor or laying on the bed to get the zipper up. I've literally seen skinny girls do that in a dressing room...it wasn't pretty to watch that even though they were thin.

Here's to this week!

ZUMBA!!!!

I'm taking a free Zumba class. It's tons of fun! Try it...you'll like it. Gotta love Shakira too!

Oh Happy Day

I'm a happy girl! I should have blogged Tuesday or yesterday but I've been busy. It's a good busy though.

Went to Weight Watchers on Tuesday. Another week had gone by...I ate every single point allotted to me and then ate into my Activity points. I was nervous. I thought for sure I'd have stayed the same. I didn't really think I'd gained but I wasn't sure what the scale at Weight Watchers would say. I had walked, worked out to Richard Simmons in my living room and had done a real good job at tracking!

Again, I put on the same outfit. Black capri work out pants, gray workout shirt, flip flops...they're easier to get off than regular shoes. I stepped on the scale and lost another 1.6 pounds for a total of 11.8 in 5 weeks! I'm feeling good and I'm not feeling deprived.

Deprivation is a bad thing for me when it comes to food. As soon as I have the feeling that I "can't" have something or if I think that I won't get to eat something I will have a desire to eat only that....in huge quantities.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went to dinner with some friends. We ate at a Mexican restaurant. They brought chips, salsa, a sour cream dip thing for the chips that is to D.I.E. for! One of the girls in the group is a young mom of 2 children. She is an avid runner, loves to bike and do other exercises. That girl ate more than I did! As I sat there it dawned on me....yet again...that skinny people don't deprive themselves of food.

They really don't. Skinny people eat what they want but then they do things I haven't done...they exercise, they stop eating when they're full, they don't eat that way all the time! As I watched my friend eat her dinner I thought "It's OK if you have some chips and salsa as long as you don't go crazy and as long as you account for your points."

I still have "red light" foods. Nuts are a big red light food for me. So are chips. I've learned to purchase smaller quantities and buy baked versions of my favorite chips. I am learning how to eat less and have even had a pan of brownies in my house so long that they've gone stale! Amazing.

I don't feel deprived at all. Last week I made an apple pie. I ate a nice healthy slice too. I tracked it. One night after I hadn't really had too many points during the day I ate 3 slices of cheese pizza. Tracked that too and still lost 1.6 this week.

I'm a loser

These photos didn't show up the way I wanted them to but they're supposed to represent 1.4 lbs which is how much weight I lost this week!

The grand total for 4 weeks:

POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So...let me be perfectly honest. I was biting my fingernails when I stepped on the scale today. This week, I've tracked but not as good as I did last week. I did more exercise this week though, I went to Zumba and on a couple of walks. (Maybe someday I'll love exercise but I highly doubt it.) I have been watching my portions but I sabotaged myself by bringing Pretzel M&M's into the house. I did count out 17 M&M's to myself and counted every point....a couple of times, meaning I had more than 17 M&M's.

If you've never been overweight you can't relate to this ritual, but this morning I wanted to make sure I'd given myself every advantage when I went to weigh in. I didn't eat this morning, actually I never eat the morning of weigh in. I usually never even have any water because it weighs something and I don't know if I can pee it out before I have to step on the scale. Before I showered I got on the scale, after I showered I got on the scale, then I dried my hair and got on the scale. Then I put on my underwear and got on the scale. After getting dressed I....got on the scale. I took off the pants I had chosen, put on a different pair and got on the scale. I put on some jewelry and got on the scale again. Then I took that jewelry off and put on some other jewelry which was actually .2 of a pound lighter! Why did I go through this you might ask?

According to my scale I hadn't lost anything this week and I did not want to go in to WW showing I'd gained. I could live with staying the same but I did not want to weigh more than I did last week so every ounce counted today!

Lucky for me my scale must be a little off or something but I'm down 1.4 pounds. I feel good about being able to keep it up for the last 4 weeks but 4 weeks is nothing when you have so many more to go.

I still need to keep in mind that there will be good weeks and bad weeks but it's about learning to live a different, healthier lifestyle. It's about life changes not just dietary changes.

Drumroll please.....

I've had a great week! I have been really good about tracking the good, bad and ugly. But I managed to stay within my points, ate all but 3 of my weekly points and had 14 activity points to spare.

I knew I had lost but I didn't know how much for sure, I never know if my scale is working right or not. I must have been totally stressing about it though because last night I dreamed that I went to weigh in and when I stepped on the scale it read that I weighed 424 pounds. In the dream I was so upset because I knew that I had never weighed that even before starting my diet and we couldn't figure out why the scale was saying that but the Weight Watcher lady wrote that down as my current weight even though she knew it was wrong. Honestly, it was awful and I was grateful that I was able to wake up from my dream.

Anyway...I got to Weight Watchers and stepped up onto the scale with great trepidation. I was ready to see something like a 1 or 2 pound loss but instead it was FIVE POUNDS! I was so excited!!! So that makes it 8.8 in the first 3 weeks.

I'm not feeling deprived at all. I still get to eat treats. In fact last week I ate pizza, a Twisted Root guacamole onion burger and some fries, and had a brownie with ice cream and chocolate sauce on it.

When I look at the picture of what 5 pounds of fat looks like it amazes me that although it looks like a lot I have SOOOOO much more to go. If I can keep up the pace I will lose a total of 35.2 pounds in 3 months. For now I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and just looking at this in 2 pound increments.

5 lbs of FAT!
(This is not me----if I looked like her I would be shopping for clothes instead of writing the blog!)

She's Making History, Working for Victory

I know you know who she is but...

Here is some information on Rosie the Riveter on the National Park Service Website (Click on that and it will give you the full information)...

"Before the United States entered World War II, several companies already had contracts with the government to produce war equipment for the Allies. Almost overnight the United States entered the war and war production had to increase dramatically in a short amount of time. Auto factories were converted to build airplanes, shipyards were expanded, and new factories were built, and all these facilities needed workers. At first companies did not think that there would be a labor shortage so they did not take the idea of hiring women seriously. Eventually, women were needed because companies were signing large, lucrative contracts with the government just as all the men were leaving for the service.

Working was not new to women. Women have always worked, especially minority and lower-class women. However, the cultural division of labor by sex ideally placed white middle-class women in the home and men in the workforce. Also, because of high unemployment during the Depression, most people were against women working because they saw it as women taking jobs from unemployed men.

The start of World War II tested these ideas. Everyone agreed that workers were greatly needed. They also agreed that having women work in the war industries would only be temporary.

The United States government had to overcome these challenges in order to recruit women to the workforce. Early in the war, the government was not satisfied with women’s response to the call to work (Rupp 98).

The government decided to launch a propaganda campaign to sell the importance of the war effort and to lure women into working.

They promoted the fictional character of “Rosie the Riveter” as the ideal woman worker: loyal, efficient, patriotic, and pretty (Yellin 43). A song, “Rosie the Riveter”, became very popular in 1942. Norman Rockwell’s image on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post on May 29, 1943 was the first widely publicized pictorial representation of the new “Rosie the Riveter”.A few months after Rockwell’s image, the most famous image of Rosie appeared in the government-commissioned poster “We Can Do It” (Yellin 44).

Here are some of the words to the song about Rosie the Riveter:

All the day long,
Whether rain or shine
She’s part of the assembly line.
She’s making history,
Working for victory
Rosie the Riveter

So, why have I chosen Rosie the Riveter as my symbol for weight loss today you may ask? Well, the words, "We Can Do It" have been echoing in my mind today.

I went to WW to weigh in yesterday and am down another 1.6 pounds for a total of 3.8 in two weeks. It is difficult for me not to be discouraged even though I am losing. I keep asking myself why I'm discouraged when the plan is obviously working for me. Maybe I'm conditioned to seeing larger losses because of idiot shows like The Biggest Loser where people are losing 10 pounds in a week.
Weight loss of about 2 pounds per week is preferable and studies show that if you lose weight faster than that it's bound to come right back when you go off the diet.

I haven't felt deprived at all in my efforts to lose weight. I've enjoyed pizza, steak, ice cream and other snacks the last 2 weeks. I've eaten my points and my weekly points as well which have contributed to me feeling like I can still enjoy eating and lose weight.

I thought of Rosie when I got in the car and said out loud, "I can do it." I just need to stay committed and on the path I'm on.

Writing things down is key. Even the 1/3 cup of cashews I throw into my mouth has to be tracked. If I don't it's too easy to lose track of what I'm putting in my mouth and sooner than later the pounds will start coming back.

So....I've chosen Norman Rockwell's original image of Rosie the Riveter...namely because she was the first and secondly because she has a sandwich in one hand!

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. Hopefully I can make history, working for victory.

Minus 2.2

On Tuesday, Sept 28th I went in for my first weigh in at Weight Watchers. I've had several first weigh in's at WW in my lifetime! My experience has been that the first week is always a banner week for me. Typically I lose around 4 pounds and a couple of times was even down 6 pounds in the first week!

During my first week on the program this time, I tracked EVERY single thing I put in my mouth....good, bad or ugly it went on the tracker.

Before I left for my initial weigh in I weighed on my scale at home and there was a slight difference in the scale at WW and my scale at home but I accounted for that during the week when I would weigh at home. According to my scale at home, by the appointed weigh in day, I was down 4 pounds. "Not bad!", I thought to myself.

To my amazement when I got on the scale at WW on Tuesday I was only down 2.2 pounds. I am very superstitious about weighing on the same scale at WW each time so it wasn't the fact that I had weighed on a different scale. It just didn't show the weight loss I had anticipated and frankly, I was very disappointed.

I stayed through the meeting as we talked about how to shop at the grocery store, but my mind was on that 2.2 pounds of weight loss and how I wanted it to be more. After the meeting, part of me just wanted to go through the drive through at McDonald's and get a Big Mac! I started to have the mindset that if I was only going to lose 2.2 pounds the first week even after tracking everything that I was doomed! What kind of craziness is that?!

Instead of driving up to the nearest McDonald's, I ate one of my Weight Watchers Mini Caramel treat things for 1 point and drove home to have my Weight Watchers Santa Fe Rice and Beans frozen meal for lunch. It's excellent by the way, and very filling. Crisis averted.

Before I could get really depressed about my "unsuccessful weight loss number" I Googled a photo of a pound of fat. I've done that before but I needed to see it again. As I looked at it and realized that I'd lost the equivalent of half a bag of sugar I came to understand that I had indeed lost weight and that I was doing alright.

So, here I am in week 2 and doing pretty well. I've stepped on the scale every morning and can see small weight loss daily. That keeps me motivated. Here's to weigh in day on the 5th...

Time to Pay the Piper

Tomorrow I will weigh in after my first week back on Weight Watchers. I think I've done pretty well. I've been good about tracking online and even figured out that I can get to the tracker on my phone so that's helped when I've been out.

I need to drink more water and figure out how to get in more fruit and veggies. Sometimes the thought of another salad gags me.

So...stay tuned to see how it goes tomorrow.

Here We Go Again....

For a long time I've theorized that there is something inside an overweight person's mind that makes them see themselves as being less heavy than they really are. I think it's something similar to the way a person with anorexia views themselves only in reverse.

In my humble opinion it's more socially acceptable to be anorexic than obese. Let's be honest, most people would rather look at at woman who is thin and perceives herself as being overweight than vice-versa.

To illustrate my point just look at the photos below and decide which one you'd rather see in action.



My point exactly!!!!

Anyway....I know I'm overweight/obese. I know I need to lose weight and I've done it so many times in the past. I'm sure over the years I've lost 200 pounds...of course not all at one time.

I had an epiphany the other day. I got on the scale. I am heavier now than I have ever been. Part of that is due to the steroids I have been on for 9 months. I am off now and have seen some (like 3 pounds) weight loss in the 3 weeks that I've been off of them but I am still heavier than ever before.

It's not like I didn't know the numbers when we went to the outlet mall the other day either. We went there so my husband could get some shoes. After he got shoes, I stopped in at the Lane Bryant outlet. I can usually spy something there but there was nothing in my size. There were a TON of 18/20 and 14/16. I hardly call a 14/16 plus size by the way!

I was more than disappointed and realized that not only did I have a hard time finding clothes in my size but I also have a hard time finding shoes in my size--size 11, rings-size 10, and bracelets/watches-I need something that will fit an 8" wrist comfortably. In every fashion aspect of my life I have difficulty finding things that are attractive and my size.

The ride home was quiet. I silently shed a few tears in my seat on the way home and my sweet husband sensed that something was wrong and stroked my hair and told me he loved me. The thoughts of despair came quickly but at one point I realized that I needed divine help.

We've all heard of 12 step programs for addictions. I figured that if an alcoholic can pray for help and a drug addict can pray for help than why shouldn't I be able to pray for help with my addiction to food?

At that point I figured that there really wasn't anything to cry about. I am a pretty capable woman in most areas of my life. I can be a procrastinator sometimes but I am generally able to accomplish what I put my mind to. I decided that there were some things that I could do to be more successful in this area of my life.

I do believe that if you put God first in your life that He will make up any difference you may have in your life. I honestly feel that if I can do some basic spiritual things better in my life that I will have a mindset of success.

So...at great risk of some day being ridiculed for what I'm attempting...yet again...I have decided that:

1. I will pray for help every day.

2. I will read and study the scriptures for 30 minutes every day.

3. I will join Weight Watchers again. ( I actually did that online this morning and will go to a meeting this afternoon)

4. I will do something to move my body at least 3 times a week.

Taking the steps to try means something. Little by little, line upon line. Today is day 1...again.

What day is it?

I don't even know what day of my "diet" this is. Probably because I gave up after day 7. Not totally given up "given up" but I haven't really done anything that would say..."I'm on a diet." I've pretty much eaten what I wanted.

I haven't gained any weight and I've lost like a pound but seriously I could gain a pound in an afternoon so what does that tell you!?

Today I had to have a follow up appointment at the doctor for an illness that I'm dealing with and she said that I've gained weight since my last appointment with her (Feb 10) but that she isn't surprised because of the fact that I take Prednisone.

Hmmm...could it be the fact that I've had a couple of bowls of Blue Bell's Caramel Kettle Crunch ice cream...which should be illegal to make let alone eat! Or the Otis Spunkmeyer cookies that I have the pre-made dough for? I could eat a dozen of those in an hour no problem!

Let's just go with the Prednisone theory! I'll take what I can get.

Anyway...it's now cooling off here and I'm determined to do better at exercising...and by that I mean walking at least 3 times a week to start out with. You just can't do that when it's literally 107 outside! Today's high is 88 so I think tonight will be a good night for a walk don't you?

If Day 4 and 5 were bad...

then days 6 and 7 were disgusting!

After YEARS of dieting and losing weight and gaining weight I DO know certain things. One of those things is that having junk in your house is weight loss suicide!

I do have healthier choices in the house but when there is a pan of caramel brownies on the counter a nectarine just doesn't sound or smell as good. I shouldn't have even had ONE but I did and then I had another 4 or even 5 in the last 18 hours. I didn't make them, my daughter did but I didn't stop her, in fact I asked her to do it. What is wrong with me?

This weekend we packed more boxes, did good deeds, went to church, and ran errands. Too many unhealthy choices in food. I didn't want to go to a restaurant to eat so we opted for fast food too many times this weekend. I have to think more about what I am putting into my mouth. Maybe I need a buddy?? A person that I would actually tell how much I weigh. Could I do that? Can I tell someone who knows me what the actual numbers on the scale say?!???? I'll have to give that some thought.

We start moving tomorrow and I'm determined to make a fresh start in many aspects of my life.

So far today is not a total loss. I WILL make changes for the rest of the day.

Day 4 and Day 5-Not so Good Days

Ok...so I didn't blog this morning because I left the house at 8:30 and didn't come back until around 3:30 or so. It's been a long day. And a horrible day for eating, as was yesterday.

Yesterday I felt so snacky all day. It could be stress...I have a lot to do in the next week. I think I chose better than I have in the past, tried to stick to 100 calorie packs but I seriously ate 3 of those things. I should have had a Snickers bar...at least I would have enjoyed it more!

Went out to dinner last night with friends and we went to Chipotle. I meant to look up WW points on Dottie's blog thing but didn't and although I ordered a salad with beans and chicken I think I should have left off the sour cream drizzle, guacamole---not a drizzle, and the corn. I have no idea what the calorie content of that little doozy was.

This morning I ate a bowl of Special K with half a banana and some Splenda. I also had a glass of Lite Pomegranite Raspberry juice. Only 5 calories on the juice so I felt fine about that. I really did start off well but then by 12:30 I was starving. We were out in the BOONIES and seriously THE only place was Sonic. There is nothing diet at Sonic. I should have gone for a jr. burger and tots but I didn't. I actually ate a regular hamburger and ordered a large onion rings. Thankfully the 2 other people with me ate half the onion rings but seriously I felt sick after I ate.

Tonight I had 3 slices of a medium Dominos pizza with ham, pineapple and black olives on it. I would have been ok with 2 but then my husband offered me a third piece. I swear he's a "feeder". Another topic for another blog.

So I am feeling really crappy tonight...hence the cartoon at the top. Tomorrow WILL be better. I have some yummy nectarines on the counter waiting for me in the morning.

Note to self....drink more water and recognize your thirst isn't hunger.

Day 3- I've Always Liked Slides

What, not the image you had in mind for a slide? Hmmm...if I wouldn't bleed to death I might think that particular slide was a good idea....especially since I could use a little (ok A LOT) shaved off my butt!

Anyway...yesterday morning I got the house sort of straightened up and took my son to the pool. I basked in the bright sunshine for a little while, until perspiration actually dripped down my neck, and then got into the pool myself. I managed to swim about 7 laps. It's not an olympic sized pool by any stretch of the imagination but it was movement and it did feel good.

As for eating yesterday I started out with a fresh yogurt strawberry and banana smoothie. It was excellent and although I really wanted something else after that, I got dressed and we went to the pool instead. By the time we got home at 11:30 I was pretty starving though.

Lunch consisted of more chicken salad, this time on one of those Arnold Sandwich Thins. Those are pretty delicious if you haven't tried them. I also had a salad with lite Ranch dressing. I really need to go get my favorite dressing which is Ken's fat free Caesar dressing.

About an hour or so after that I was hungry again! Some days are like that for me. I just want to snack. So I opted for Smart Pop kettle corn. The whole darn thing is only 1 point for Weight Watchers so I chomped away.

Through the day I also managed to eat two 100 calorie pack snacks. I told you it was a snacky day for me. I also chewed a lot of gum yesterday! Note to self...stock up on Extra gum next time you're at Walmart.

By the time dinner time came I wasn't in the mood to cook so while my husband and son ate left overs and cereal respectively. I had another chicken salad sandwich and a salad.

In the evening my husband went to do a little service project for a lady in our church and I went with him. It took a little longer than we expected and it was HOT outside. Our 9 year old was with us and he was really good so on the way home we stopped at Braum's. It's an ice cream joint. They also have real food and a little grocery store. Kind of an odd combo but it works for here.

Anyway...Braum's is one of our favorite places. I mean, you can get a single scoop waffle cone for $1.25!!! So...that's where I slid. I indulged in a single scoop of German Chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone. I have NO idea what the caloric intake was. I seriously need to get moved so I can unpack my scale and get back to WW for real!

I'm counting the pluses and the minuses for yesterday and moving forward today. So far it's 8:44 and I haven't had breakfast but I'm headed in that direction now. Probably another smoothie and maybe some oatmeal.

Day 2-Baby Steps

Those chubby little legs and feet are cute. Mine are chubby, not little and they're definitely not cute!

Baby steps are important. It's important to start somewhere, to start slow and hold someone's hand if you have to. Babies kind of have to get used to the idea of being upright and figuring out how their body balances before they can take off and walk let alone run.

I am thinking that I will update this blog everyday. We'll see how that goes. But here's the 411 about yesterday.

I bragged about eating a great breakfast which was awesome. I didn't feel hungry at all during the morning. I ate around 7. By 10:30 I was in the car with my daughter to run an errand which was about 30 minutes away.

On the way we had to go past QuikTrip...it's like a 7-11. My favorite drink there is Diet Pepsi with some vanilla flavoring added in. I got a 44 ounce drink! I don't know how many calories the vanilla flavoring has in it and frankly I didn't care. I was "rewarding" myself for doing so well up to that point. Fat people do that...reward themselves. Why? I don't know. Topic for another blog.

If you're going to get a fountain drink at a gas station it's not like you can't NOT get a snack. So...I tried to make a good decision and didn't do very well. I chose peanuts. I guess it could have been worse, I could have gotten the Twix I really wanted. The problem with the nuts was that I didn't buy the little tube of nuts. I bought a small bag for $1.99.

Along the drive I snacked away, all the while thinking I should stop eating the nuts. At one point I did put them in the glove box. But I swear they called my name out loud! I don't know what it is about nuts but I love the crunch, the salt, and the entire experience of eating nuts. So before we had gotten to our destination the whole bag was gone. I felt pretty sick about it but what was I going to do at that point. If I'd been someone else I might have stuck my finger down my throat but I hate to vomit so why would I???

So...we did our errand, walked the mall (that's a plus) but I sampled a pepperoni pretzel from Auntie Annies! Is there anything more delicious than an Auntie Annie's pretzel? I don't think so. I didn't buy one though. I was satisfied with the nibble I tried. More shopping. Then we left the mall.

By this time it was about 1:00 in the afternoon. I was hungry for some real food. I'd heard about Pei Wei and hadn't tried it so we went in. My daughter and I got the Sesame Chicken. It came with brown or white rice. I should have chosen brown but I got the white. My success there was that I didn't eat the entire meal. I packaged up more than half and brought it home to my husband.

So all in all I didn't think I did too badly on the lunch. I really need to log this food into Weight Watchers but my scale is packed and I'm not doing that until I get moved next week. Anyway...I didn't have any snacks during the afternoon but by dinner I was pretty hungry.

I made chicken salad for dinner. I added some pineapple, grapes, craisens, celery and some cashew nuts along with the shredded chicken and miracle whip lite. I ate it on a whole grain bun and had a salad with lite ranch dressing.

After dinner, my son and I went for a walk. I walked and he rode his bike. I walked as fast as I could and we walked for a solid 45 minutes. I was drenched by the time I got back.

It felt good to walk, iPod in my ears with the music blaring. Note to self...upload some better music. Colbie Caillet is ok but not really as inspiring as Beyonce's Bootylicious!

As I walked, a cool breeze blew and as I listened to the music I felt envigorated. By the time I got home my knees were in somewhat of a rebellion as I continue to struggle with some joint inflammation but I'm determined to keep going. Maybe tonight I'll go back to the pool for a little while.

So far this morning I've had a strawberry banana smoothie for breakfast. We're getting ready to go to the pool before it feels like the surface of the sun out there. Hopefully I can get some laps in.

That's baby steps so far.

A New Day

I hesitate to even blog about what is going to be yet another attempt to lose weight. I wish I could say that this time I know for sure I won't fail. I am not even sure that right at this moment I have the resolve NOT to go to the pantry and find something to eat in the next 30 seconds, let alone stay on a diet for any length of time.

Here's what I do know....I have to do something. At this point any little something is better than what I've been doing...which is eating whatever I want. Thanks to giving in to those urges I've managed to put on all the weight I'd lost when I was sick-30 lbs. That's a lot of weight. I mean seriously...it's a toddler!

I would like to blame it all on the Prednisone. I'm sure that hasn't helped. And I'm sure that it also hasn't helped that my joints have been so miserable that just going up the stairs was an effort. It was much easier to walk to the pantry or the refrigerator! But it's not all the drugs or my joints. It's really my brain. It's giving in to impulses and not even trying to resist them.

So...with all that said, I've started a New Day....again. And here's the thing...every day is a new day and every day I can essentially start again. There will be mistakes made but I need to just keep moving forward. I have to account for the little successes.

Yesterday's success was going to the grocery store and using my Weight Watchers points calculator AND not buying any junk food. I really really wanted to...but I didn't and I had to give myself a little pat on the back.

Last night and the night before we went for a walk. Moving is essential. I need to do that too. I might not have walked a mile but at least I got out. I also swam laps last night at the pool. Not anything significant but again...I moved.

Today's success so far, I ate a good breakfast. It wasn't cookies or chips or a bagel with cream cheese.

Happy New Day.

Leave us Alone President Obama!

This morning as I ate my breakfast (Special K with half a banana and 2 packets of Splenda) I sat at the computer to check out happenings on Facebook. One of my friends, who happens to be very thin, posted a link to an article about how President Obama wants to "demand obesity ratings for all Americans." Here is the article on Fox news in it's entirety....
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Feds to Monitor Obesity as White House Promotes Obama Cook to Senior Position

Published July 17, 2010

FoxNews.com

Saturday: First lady Michelle Obama speaks about childhood obesity to the National Governors Association Winter Meeting in Washington. (AP)

As the Obama administration sets its sights on overweight Americans, demanding obesity ratings for all citizens by 2014, the White House has promoted the Obamas' personal cook to a senior advisory position.

Sam Kass, the 20-something Chicago chef, is now the White House "Food Initiative Coordinator," Kass' title reportedly was upgraded last month from food initiative coordinator to senior policy adviser for health food initiatives. His duties have not changed.

The change comes as the Health and Human Services announced this week that under the stimulus law, health care providers must establish "meaningful use" of electronic health records to qualify for federal subsidies or risk seeing their Medicare and Medicaid payments slashed. The electronic health records must include Americans' body mass index, or BMI, height and weight.

Critics say the BMI is unreliable and the ratings will lead to more government intrusion.

Supporters say the ratings will serve as motivation for weight loss.

"The fact we're now tracking BMIs', I think knowledge is power for us," nutrition expert Mitzi Dulan told Fox News."There are a lot of people that don't know their BMI and it's denial.

Dulan noted that a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that $147 billion is spent annually on obesity-related costs, or 10 percent of medical costs.
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Ok...here's the deal. If you're obese you know it and you're not in denial. You just don't want to do anything about it because if you did you would!

My doctor and I already know that I'm overweight and that I should lose weight. My health insurance company has NEVER sent me literature on programs they offer to us over eaters to lose weight....and why is that? Probably because they don't do anything to help overweight people gain better health. It's all up to you. If you're anorexic they have stinking programs in patient and out patient for you. They don't just tell you to go eat a freaking sandwich!!!!

If you go to your doctor to talk about your weight, the likelihood is that your insurance company won't even cover the visit because they don't cover weight loss as a medical benefit. This happened to me once when I went to the doctor for a routine visit and because I mentioned that I wanted to lose weight, and because the doctor wrote in the code for that, they denied the claim for my entire visit...so they in essence told me not to talk to my doctor about being fat!

Now if I had high blood pressure, or if I had diabetes or needed a knee replacement because of my weight then that would be a different story. They do NOTHING for preventive care for the obese patient!

Want to have gastric bypass surgery? Go talk to any weight loss surgeon and find out how they have to finagle the system to code the thing right so that it looks like if you don't have the surgery you're going to drop dead within seconds of the denial to have the surgery!!!! Want weight loss medications? Be prepared to shell out $60-$100 for a prescription...who wants to do that when you can eat out at Burger King about 15 times for that amount of money!!!! I'm just kidding! Relax.

You get my point. I think President Obama should just worry about himself. When he quits smoking he can worry about the health of other Americans. Do we "demand lung health ratings" from smokers? Don't people who smoke have issues that cost money!??!!! Give me a BREAK! Maybe we should "demand stupidity ratings" for all those in government or for that matter the general population...but that's a topic for a whole other blog!

Is this a Weight Loss Blog or what?

Theoretically this is what the process of weight loss looks like:


Up until December 2009, I was doing alright with the "weight loss thing" and then I got sick and everything ended up in the toilet. (Hmmm...maybe not a good analogy! I crack myself up)

Today as I was on my facebook account I noticed that a good friend of mine had posted a photograph of herself 13 pounds lighter in a new pair of jeans. She actually credited my blog with helping her. I would like to think it's because I'm an inspiring person but it could just be that she doesn't want to be as pathetic as I am weight wise. I just know that since I haven't really blogged about my success....because there has been none...that she must be inspired to lose weight so that she doesn't end up looking like me!

Well my friend, C.M., I think you may have inspired me. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and thought..."I have GOT to do something!" So, I think I'm back on the bandwagon. There are no "treats" in the house and I have to go grocery shopping today so it's the perfect time to start anew.

Here's to new beginnings. I'm still not in any frame of mind to post my actual weight. I'm not brave enough but maybe someday I'll tell.

National Geographic

Erma Bombeck said, "I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes."

I totally understand her thinking! There is nothing that makes a fat person more self conscious than being naked. And let's be honest, tan fat does look better than pale fat!

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. ~Ellen DeGeneres

Just that quote from Ellen made me want a cinnamon roll! I'll just look at a picture and be satisfied for now.

It's been quite a while since I've blogged on this weight loss blog and that's because I haven't really been focused on losing weight. I've been focused on staying alive and pain free. I've gotten the "alive" part down and am working on the "pain free" part. I thought it might be a good idea to start back with some sort of exercise. So today I went to an exercise group that the girls at church are doing.

Now...let me be clear...I was the oldest person there. I'm 46, the other 4 girls are younger than 28. They've all borne children but they don't have near the mileage on their bodies as I have on mine.

Today was body sculpting. I have too much to sculpt! My stomach looks like this...only worse! I would NOT put a photo up of my real stomach. I might get inquiries by the FCC or whoever monitors content on the internet...do they even do that? I doubt it. Anyway...

Now that I look at this chick's stomach fat I'm wishing mine looked as good!

This is what the instructor's stomach looks like after birthing 3 children! I even told her that her stomach was concave. She does not have an ounce of fat on her! She rode her bike 10 miles up and down hills for fun yesterday! Who does that? She's healthy and I say...good for her!

Again, not her real stomach but I would venture to say it's pretty darn close!

I don't know how long this exercise regimen will last but I have to do something. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and we'll see what he says about what would be best for my joints. I've never considered myself an unhealthy person. I never had one symptom from being overweight, no joint problems, no diabetes, no lung problems etc. When I've worked out in the past I never felt pain at all during a workout. Since my drug allergy and near death experience I have most of those thing. Today was VERY different. I have to remember that my body has been through hell and its going to take some time to recover.

Its not my goal to have a flat stomach. I don't even really care about that. Again, I'd be happy to shop in "normal" size clothing shops and have more of a choice than the "Omar the Tent Maker" section of the store!

We'll see what Friday brings...it's yoga day.

Why bother....

So I'm thinking that since I've gotten sick and I'm taking Prednisone, that there is no sense in trying to LOSE weight at this point. I should probably focus on getting healthy rather than getting thinner.

Prednisone is not my friend either. I have gained 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I literally want to eat my fists off.

Anyone out there have any tips to keep this from happening? Please feel free to share.

The first step might just be NOT bringing "bad" foods into the house to begin with!

I almost did it.

I actually almost woke up thin!

I got deathly ill on Dec 18 and since then I've lost 25 pounds. Now if the Prednisone will cooperate and NOT make me eat like a crazy person!